Wednesday, September 30, 2009


As most of you know, I have been working very hard this year to lose weight and get in shape. So far I’ve lost about 27 pounds. But I’m getting a bunch of conflicting information between the gym and Weight Watchers and just what I think I know to be true.exercise

I went to a nutrition class at my gym a couple of weeks ago (WHY won’t I ever learn that although I may discover a few facts, these classes are really just a ruse to get me to buy something?) and I basically learned that I’m not eating enough. It sounds reasonable: by not eating enough, especially on the days I work out, I am effectively putting my body in starvation mode and lowering my metabolism. Okay, now let’s hop on over to WW, where they are saying to eat X number of points, each point being approximately 50 calories, and if you work out, great, you’ll burn more calories. But it’s not necessary to eat more on those days, even though I “earn” points by exercising.

And everything I’ve been taught in my 40-something years is “eat less and you’ll lose weight.”

So which is it? Can somebody out there explain this to me because I am REALLY CONFUSED!


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tuesday Tidbit

Today is the day. It came too quickly, for certain. But I am determined to face it boldly. I will not run in fear. I will stand, rooted with courage until the deed is done. Later this morning (hopefully this morning) I will stand triumphant, having conquered in battle. Today, my friends, I face . . . 

My junk drawer. 

By far it is the scariest, most unorganized place in the kitchen. I don't even like opening it. Sometimes it is hard to get shut. I can rarely find in one glance what I'm looking for, unless I just (and I mean just five seconds ago) threw it in there. 

BUT! As all generals going to battle, I have a plan. 

Step One: Dump the drawer. (Really, I could end that sentence with "in the trash" and be finished, but who knows what I would be throwing out!). I'm going to dump it on the kitchen table (hope it holds!) 

Step Two: Set the kitchen timer to ten minutes and do a quick sort. This is the "Yes, I need this here" vs. the "How the heck did this get in here, let's put it in the right place" vs. the "Eeeeew! TRASH!" sort. Three piles in ten minutes.

Step Three: Put it all back in order.  That's the one I struggle with. I'm going to try to do nice"areas" or sections. 

I'll post pics at the end of the day. We will see who wins. 

Courage, Melissa, courage.



Monday, September 28, 2009


I don’t want to get on a male-bashing tirade, but seriously, why do men act like babies when they get sick? Did their mothers coddle them too much? Uh, oh, does that mean I’m setting up my own boys to be big babies for their wives when they get sick? Should I just tell them sick man2to “suck it up” and “be a man” when they have a fever? Okay, obviously I won’t do that, but I sure would like to say that to my DH!

After all, when I get sick, there certainly isn’t anyone around to take care of me, is there? I’m still expected to carry on with my mommy-duties as if everything was fine and normal. I don’t get time off when I’m sick, do you? But the really funny thing is that DH doesn’t see this at all. He somehow has this convoluted idea that I lay around all day and night when I’m not feeling well, and he does everything around the house for me and the kids. Is he kidding?

Okay, I sound like I’m whining. And I guess I am male-bashing a bit, or at least DH-bashing! And although there have been times when he overreacted a bit (Once he had a cold and seriously thought he was dying and should go to the emergency room! No, really!), he definitely is sick this time. So I should be much more sympathetic, right? After all, he is my husband and I do love him, and I did promise to care for him in sickness and in health and blah, blah, blah.

(Shoot, there I go again. I’d better stop before somebody shows this to him!)

So I want to know: Is it just me or do other wives go through this also? Please give me some hope that my boys won’t turn out this way!


Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday Funny

My husband turned forty this week. (I have not yet made that milestone). I thought long and hard about how to celebrate this momentous occasion. And I also remembered a few of the moments he has helped me to,uhm, celebrate. So I decided the following would be appropriate:

I've been following him around all week saying," You are forty and I am not. You will always be older than me."

I think that's a good start, don't you?

Yours, relishing every moment of the torture,


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thursday Thoughts. . . .

Melissa here. . .  . Time for Thursday Thoughts.

1. I sent my "Open Letter to the President" to the White House. If you don't hear from me for a few days, you can just figure the FBI had enough. 

2. I learned an important lesson yesterday. Wednesdays are the Secret Motorized Shopping Cart Races at Walmart.  Seriously. I got ran over not once but TWICE by people twice my age moving faster than me whose reflex time to hit the break is, well, slower than I'd like it to be. God bless them, I know I'll be there one day myself, but from now on, I'm avoiding Walmart on Wednesday afternoons.

3. Untangling white Christmas lights is for the birds. After untangling five strands last night (for a party), I now know why people give up and buy new ones. Don't even get me started on the frustration of the middle section of lights that don't light up. 

4. And here is one that has always vexed me: In a nearby county, there is a road called Boone's Lick Road. Every time I see it, I can't help but wonder,"Who is Boone and why is he licking the road anyway? Surely Daniel Boone was smarter than that!" It bothered me so much I spent a half hour on Google figuring it out.  And no, I'm not telling. Otherwise I would be giving you the fish and not teaching you to be a fisherman. Hhmmph.

And those are my thoughts on this fine, rainy Thursday morning. Let's hope it dries up for the rest of the weekend!



Wednesday, September 23, 2009


My husband thinks there is something seriously wrong with me and I should be checked out by a neurologist. My neighbors see me leave in my car, only to return 30 seconds later and run inside and out again. Sometimes the cycle repeats before I am gone for good. My kids get annoyed at me when they don’t have everything they need for school or football or whatever.

So what’s got everyone up in arms? I FORGET EVERYTHING!!! Not just questionmarksthe occasional “Oops!” but EVERYTHING! Everyone jokes about going into a room and forgetting why they went there, but when it happens ALL THE TIME, it gets a bit frustrating. Or I’ll put something right by my purse or the door to remember to bring it with me when I leave the house, but there it stays, long after I’ve left.

So what’s wrong with me? I know my age has a lot to do with it. So does having kids. Oh, and starting a new business. And writing a blog (although, thankfully I only do 2 days each week and Melissa does the other 3). And then there’s being a cub scout den leader. Oh, don’t forget being the pack treasurer. I guess I should mention my obsession about food and every calorie that enters my mouth because I’m trying to lose weight. And it’s not enough to exercise almost every day, now I listen to teleseminars on my iPod during my work-outs.

But still… Many other people have much more on their plates, and they aren’t as forgetful as I am. I’d love to give you some specific examples, but I can’t remember any!

Sigh, somehow I don’t think it’s going to get any better, is it? Wait, what was I talking about?


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tuesday Debate- Open Letter to the President

Dear President Obama,

I've been watching the political landscape for quite some time now. As a citizen of the United States, I feel it is my duty to know what's going on with my country. I've watched the heated debate over healthcare issues, the economic bailout and taken part in many discussions on illegal immigration. I have e-mailed my senators and representatives so much I'm surprised they haven't asked me to stop.

Lately, I know you have heard a lot of ruckus about your "Presidentialness". I can certainly appreciate that you want to be in touch with your constituents. I can see why you would want the citizens of the country which you are leading to feel like you understand them; that you're a regular guy, just like most of us. During the campaign, we heard about "Joe Plumber" and how each candidate should know what is best for so many people like him. And I believe you should, and at the core of your intentions do, have our best interests at heart.

But the truth is, Mr. President, I don't want to see you as an ordinary man. I don't want to know all the details of you inviting someone over for a beer to discuss racial tensions. I don't desire to see your most candid moments while you are leading us. I don't want to hear you call someone a jackass (even if he did deserve it, and even if I thought you were right). I don't want to see you on the cover of GQ, looking more like a celebrity than the leader of the free world.

With all due respect, Mr. President, I want to see you as someone who is better than the rest of us. I want you to be brilliant. I want you to always be conscious that someone is going to try to take your words and publish them. I want you to be be nearly superhuman. I want to see you on the cover of Time, because that is a serious magazine, where brilliant thinkers, history makers and world changers reside. I don't want to see you as someone "just like me". Because truthfully, Mr. President, if you are just like me, then heaven help us all if someone just like me is running the country.

When your presidency is complete, I will read your memoirs. I will look at pictures of you The First Lady and think,"Wow. I wonder what they were thinking in that moment." I will read the interviews of your daughters and contemplate what it was like growing up in The White House. I'll be ready then. I know four years is a long time to be so publicly perfect. It's no small accomplishment. But until that time, I hope, and believe, that you will make the most of the gift of being Presidential.

Best Wishes,


Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday Musing: JURY DUTY

I’ve been summoned to jury duty. That, in itself, is no big deal, but the story leading up to it is. Let me first start by saying that I am 40-something years old (ahem) and have never been called to serve. Until last summer, that is. I got my very first summons in May to serve in gavel June. Normally I would have freaked out about that, because of course the kids are home for summer vacation. But as luck would have it, they were in Cub Scout camp that week, so no problem.

So I do my duty and drive almost an hour to get to the county courthouse. I find the parking garage where they want me to park, but when I get there, I ask, just to be sure, if I’m in the right garage. She said, “Well, you would be if court was in session.” HUH? Apparently, lightning had struck the courthouse and the entire complex had no electricity. Well, that might explain why I couldn’t call in the night before to make sure they still needed me. (Quick, aren’t I?) So I start driving home, all mad and upset, when it hits me: I’m actually FREE the rest of the week! Yea for me!

I figured I might get called again sometime, but I quickly forget all about juryduty it. Until I get an envelope in the mail from my step-mother. Inside is a jury duty summons, addressed to my maiden name, sent to the home I grew up in but haven’t lived there since I left for college.

So, in essence, this summons was sent to an entirely different person, according to their records. It’s not the “make-up” summons I figured I’d get eventually. Here’s my question: What if my step-mother didn’t live there any more? What if I never got that one? Would the jury duty police come after me? Or what if I did serve in June like I was supposed to? Would I have to go again? Any why 2 summons (don’t forget, I’m two different people in their system) within a few months of each other, when I haven’t been called for the past 20ish years?

Answers to these questions will probably never be answered. But I can still hold out hope that when I call in the night before, they may not need me. People tell me that the higher the number is on the summons, the less likely you’ll actually have to go.

GREAT, I’m number 0004.


Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday Funny- Smile for the Camera!

It's that time of year again. . . . SCHOOL PICTURES. Love it. That's usually the day I totally forget about and let the kids dress themselves. Last year Z2's pic was a disaster. She had worn her curls in a ponytail and decided to take the pony out just before the photographer snapped the photo. Oh yeah. It was a beauty.

Today, in my inbox, there was a memo on pictures for my place of employment. We do this every year in order to update the website. In honor of such an, uhm, prestigious ocassion, I shall endeavor to share with you last year's experience. It went something like this:
My school website is being updated and they brought in a photographer for headshots. So my turn comes and the photograher sits me down and in a 3-second, rapid fire breath says,"Okayliftyourchinupalittlebitandtiltyourheadtotheleftandthenalittletotheright."

I wasn't quite ready for his verbal machine gunning as I was still finding my place on the stool so I said,"I'm sorry. What was that again?"
And he actually said to me. . ."Okay, I'll speak a little slower for the blonde."

Whoa. I felt my jaw hit the floor and somehow my body stood up. I looked him in the eye and said,"No, you didn't. You did not just say those words to me." I had to walk away before I got nasty.

Sensing his guffaw, he immediately began apolgizing. "It's okay," I replied. "Clearly, you are suffering from the Y chromosome syndrome causing you to lose total verbal and cerebral control. Let's just begin again."

He looked at me and said,"What? What does that mean?" He had no clue what I meant. And he's calling me blonde? Okay Mr. Photographer, let me translate. . . (Warning. . .Danger Will Robinson!) "Never talk out of your @#$ to someone you just met, particularly in a professional setting. It makes it hard for one to smile for the camera."

Yours, hoping this year will be different,


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thursday Thoughts- Some Missyology

Just think you should know that I, Melissa Bishop, am garbage disposal incident free for FIFTEEN days now. Unless you count the spoon that bit it the other night. But since I didn't have to get out my pipe wrench to fix the stinkin' disposal, I'm saying it doesn't count. Welcome to the world of Missyology.

In the world of Missyology there are things like "Personal Safety Days" and "I Love Me" files for my "Zero Days". In the world of Missyology, I get to justify food groups by their colors. One of my grad school friends taught me this one. It's pretty cool and goes something like this. An Oreo cookie is from the Black and White Food Group. When eaten with a glass of white milk, they cancel each other out. So no calories, no fat no anything but sheer enjoyment. Let's try another one. . .Peanut M&M's- now there's a food group! Seriously- a rainbow of colors, it can go with anything. When eaten with a Reese's Peanut Butter Easter Egg, you can say they are both of the Yellow Food Group since their wrappers are the same bright yellow. Wash it down with a Mountain Dew and BINGO! It's a trifecta. See? I knew you would like it. (Note: It worked well about 15 years ago, but haven't tried that particular combination since the blood sugar craziness kicked in. It's not "advisable" at this point).

In the world of Missyology, I get to wear a diamond tiara on my special days like my birthday or Mother's Day or Christmas or ANY DAY MY LOVELY FAMILY (esp MY DH) NEEDS TO BE REMINDED WHO IS THE QUEEN. I have not needed to wear it to work yet, but have felt the need to tell my classroom on ocassion, when they feel it is their turn to tell me how to teach, " I have a degree. You. Do. Not. When you attain the same level of education, you may go out and get your own job and have your own little kingdom. But when you are in this classroom, it is my kingdom and I am the Queen which means I make the rules. Should you insist on rebelling, I will simply subtract points from your final grade." Mind you, I say it in a gentle, loving tone with a smile on my face, nodding up and down the entire time. And the mood in the classroom shifts dramatically. That's a wonderful little speech taught to me by an incredible writing friend of mine. Feel free to tuck it into your own set of tried and true responses.

Yes, I believe Mary Englebreight said it best:"It's great to be Queen!"

Yours, reveling in Missyology,


PS- No, really, don't call me Missy. Unless you've known me THAT long. And that's a long, long, LONG time!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


One thing to know about me is that I love to read. But I love MINDLESS reading. I don’t want to learn, or be challenged, or improve myself. I just want to be entertained. I won’t read straight romance, but I love mysteries with that bit of romance intertwined in the story. (Yes, I know, they always start off not liking each other, then somehow one touch explodes into a fiery, passionate love affair. Sigh!)

I also love comedies. I would SO much rather laugh while I’m reading than cry (although, I just read The Art Of Racing In The Rain and loved bitter_smallit even though I cried at the end). So I have to tell you about Jen Lancaster’s books. She doesn’t know me from Adam and has not asked me to review her books, I just feel compelled to let you all know about her.

The first 2 books, Bitter Is The New Black and Bright Lights, Big Ass, are basically about her life, as she goes from Money-Maker-Designer-Wearer-Prada-Carrier to Unemployed to Book Writer. The third book is all about her weight loss journey in Such A Pretty Fat. And her fourth book, which I’m reading now, is Pretty in Plaid, and is all about how prettyinplaid_small she grew up to become a “Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass.”

I LOVE her writing style, not only because she’s sassy, or in her words, snarky (love that!), but because she’s talking to the reader. She not just telling a story, she’s telling ME a story. And she is just SO DANG FUNNY!! All throughout her books, she uses footnotes. Kind-of like the way I use parentheses, giving you a thought in mid-sentence. For example, if she writes something that she just knows you’ll have a comment about, her footnote will say “Shut Up!” Okay, I’m not doing it justice!

For a taste of her writing style, visit her blog, Jennsylvania. I will warn you that she uses cuss words. Not a ton, but they pop out fairly often! So be sure to let me know how you like the books, if you can stop laughing long enough to comment here!


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tuesday Debate-Healthcare for Illegal Immigrants

Turn on the TV. Read about it in the paper. Hear about it on the radio, see it on the internet. The healthcare debate is everywhere. The government is trying to reform our medical system. People oppose it. Some endorse it. The media is pushing it, but some accuse the media and the Democratic Party of lying about the bill.

At this point, I don't know what to believe. I haven't read the bill all the way through, so I cannot comment on the bill itself. Some people say that it gives health coverage to the 17 million illegal immigrants currently in our country. That's a LOT of people . . .

So say someone is here ILLEGALLY. And they get sick. We all agree that people should be able to have health care, but WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT? After all, they are here and breaking the law in doing so. They are not paying into taxes. They are not abiding by the laws of our government. Yet should they be entitled to health care? Free health care at that?

It's not my desire to see anyone walk around sick without access to health care. But at the same time, I'm really, really, really tired of paying so many taxes. I live in a township that has some of the highest taxes in the state. It's NOT fun. Seriously- I'm taxed a "line fee for the City of XYZ" on my cell bill. I am taxed coming and going. And while I don't want to see people sick, I'm tired of paying for other people when I'm having a hard time paying for my own family's health coverage. I can only bleed so much before there is no more blood left. So my vote is, if you are here illegally, I do not believe you have the right to medical care paid for by the taxpayers of America. Call me mean, call me heartless, call me cheap, call me compassionless. . . but I am REALLY tired of paying other people's medical expenses.

Anyone else have an opinion? Let's hear it.


Monday, September 14, 2009


j0409011I DID IT! I’VE LOST 25 POUNDS!!! I know it’s taken me a while to achieve this milestone, but I don’t care. I’d rather lose the weight slowly and KEEP it off, instead of watching it all come back on as soon as I go off my diet. I’M SO EXCITED! (Hear that? That’s the sound of me patting myself on the back. Okay, I’ll stop now!)

So I think that I’ve really been doing it right this time. I’m really adopting healthier eating habits, and I actually like working out now. But I still have a HUGE sweet tooth, as well as a fried food tooth. Oh, and don’t forget my salty tooth. Sigh. Smartfood-Honey-Multigrain2

But speaking of sweet and salty, I found a great snack. Smartfood Popcorn Clusters by Frito-Lay. They are 110 calories, 1 gram of fat and 5 grams of fiber. Because of the fiber, they are only 1 Weight Watchers point. And they are YUMMY!

And I must give a nod to Boca Veggie Burgers. I admit, it took me a while to get used to them, but I have, and now I (dare I say) actually like them. (Not love them, just like them.) But with the Original Vegan ones having only 70 calories, less than a gram of fat, and 4 grams of fiber, bocaburgerthey are also only 1 point. So I can have a 2 point lunch by having a Boca Burger on an Arnold Select Sandwich Thin. How cool is that? (I know, it doesn’t take much to get me excited!)

So I’m going to reward myself with something decadent, then work on my next goal of 15 pounds, for a total of 40. If anybody has any suggestions or words of encouragement, lay them on me! I can use all the help I can get!


Oh, and by the way, clearly I can’t write a short post, so our “Monday Minute” is now “Monday Musings.”

Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday- Remembering

Yes, usually today is our Friday Funny. And in light of my doctor's visit yesterday, I did have something very funny to write. But as today is Friday, September 11, I'm thinking I will save that story for next week.

Wherever you were, that day, eight years ago, I'm betting that you could tell me exactly what you were doing when you heard the news. I was standing in my small, city-house, living room when my sister called. I turned on the TV and watched as the plane crashed into the tower. Immediately I picked up my 7-month old baby and held him as close as I could thinking,"Dear God, what have I done, bringing a child into a world such as this? How will I ever, ever protect him?"

That was eight years ago. So much of our world has changed since then. Travel restrictions. Security checks. More security checks. Background checks. Endless news about terrorism. And yet, I believe that while another attack is being plotted, because that's what wimpy, coward thugs do, I am grateful to have lived the last eight years in a nation that is ever more vigilant about its security and heritage. While it seems like sometimes we are coming apart at the seams, I believe America is still the greatest place on Earth to live, and that we have the best men and women serving in our armed forces.

To those of you who have suffered loss on that day, our hearts go out to you. To those of you who are serving to protect this nation, our gratitude is yours. And to those of us who enjoy freedom each and everyday, may we never, never, never forget.

Yours, remembering,


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Thursday Thoughts- Why EVERY Parent Needs to Be Certified

This past weekend, being Labor Day and all, we decided to scoot on up to Chicago. Not too far of a drive, and since hubby doesn't get much in the way of vacation this year (new job), it was the best we could do for sand and water. But there are so many cool things about Chicago, one being the pizza. Just thinking about it makes me want to hop on a train for dinner!

On our last day in Chicago, we made a stop at Giordano's Pizza. HEAVEN. We picked up our pizza and went to a nearby park to eat it. We were all standing around when suddenly Z1 starts hacking. Not just a little sputter, but the helpless-I-can't-breath-somebody-help-me-now hacking. He puts his little hands up and managaes to sputter,"I can't breathe!" I pushed my stuff aside and rushed to help him. He could not get anything moving. Here is my little, eight-year-old guy, eyes watering, hands up, trying to hack up SOMEthing, ANYthing to get some air.

Instinct took over and I got behind him and began doing the Heimlich Maneuver, something I never dreamed I would have to do for my child. There are so many things that come with parenting- snotty noses, depletion of your wallet, poopy diapers, midnight wake-ups to find the monster under the bed- I never dreamed that doing the Heimlich would be one of them.

Three pumps in and still no movement. Four, Five. I stood him on his feet and did a mouth sweep. Nothing. I did a second mouth sweep and this time I pressed on the back of his tongue to make sure I was getting all the way down there. That kicked in the most wonderful of reflexes, the GAG reflex. Finally, the cheese moved and he began tossing it up. Never have I been absolutely relieved and overjoyed to see my boy spewing pizza chunks onto the ground.

He paused and caught his breath. He reached over and put his (to me, still very) tiny hand on my shoulder and said,"Oh, Mommy. Thank you so much," and put his forehead on mine.

When it was all said and done, I was so grateful to have gone through those choking/CPR/First Aid courses so long ago. I didn't have to think. I just had to react. Just like they taught me. Funny how this has happened to both of my kids (cue theme to Twilight Zone!). If you have never taken the Red Cross Courses, at the very, very least, get online and read about it here. Do it for you, and for your kids. You just never know who is going to need you next.

Yours, breathing much easier,


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Cooking and Apple Picking. WHAT?

I am not a good cook. But in my defense, I didn’t have a great role model! Now, I love my mother, and when we were young, she cooked scan0001 dinner every night for the family, but it wasn’t very good. The funny thing is, we didn’t realize how bad her cooking was this until we were much older and had some great home cooking! (See how bewildered we both look in the picture? And I was only 8 years old there!) And now, since she lives alone, the only cooking she does is maybe pasta or hard boiled eggs. Things that involve water! In fact, her oven is actually a storage area. I’m not even sure it works!

But, the one thing she made that she is still known for today (even if she hasn’t made it in 20 years or so) is her homemade applesauce. I can still taste it now! It was passed down from her mother to her and then to us girls.eckerts

So why am I thinking of this now? Because we went apple picking this past weekend, and the only apples available this time of year were Honeycrisp (which are fabulous by the way!) and Jonathon apples. As far as I know, the only thing I know about Jonathon is that they are what Mom used when she made applesauce.

So off I went to my sister’s house to get the recipe and Mom’s old food mill. (Do they still sell these things? It creaks and groans when I turn it!) I haven’t made it yet, so I can’t tell you how it turned out. My sister said it’s easy to make but Mom always made such a big deal about how difficult it was, so who should I believe? (It reminds me of that commercial where the mom was making Rice Krispie Treats and wanted her family to think she went to SO much trouble for them!)

So wish me luck! If it turns out okay and Mom agrees, I’ll share the recipe with you!


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Tuesday Debate- The Obama Speech

Today is the big day. President Obama is giving a speech to the American School System. There has been a lot of hoo-ha about it. Should he? Should he not? Will he stay on subject? (His intention is to speak on work ethic, the value of education and diligence). Does he have the right to do this on a federal level or is this a state responsibility?

While Karen and I agree on some things, politics is certainly an interesting issue between us. One of us is completely okay with him speaking to the kids. The other of us has some reservations. What do you think is right? Should President Obama be given opportunity to speak into our children's lives? Is this completely a parental issue? A state issue?

You may leave your comments now. . . . (let's be civil, please).

Oooo, this is about to get interesting,

Psst, this is Karen. Here's a link to the speech, which was supposed to have been up yesterday, but I forgot to check.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Friday Funny: I’m a Guest Blogger!

Happy Friday Everyone! Being a holiday weekend (woo hoo!), Melissa has taken the day off, so I am posting today. But I’m taking the easy way out and directing you to my post on somebody else’s blog. This 3boysanddog-button was such fun being a guest blogger. Not only could I share my advice with others, but I could also promote my book!

So take a look at 3 Boys & A Dog blog and read my post!

Have a GREAT, GREAT 3 day weekend!!!


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thursday Thoughts-Stinkin' Disposal!

I'm swearing off the garbage disposal. It and I just don't get along. Last night, for about the fourth time in a year I clogged it up and could not get it to budge. Note that saying it was the fourth time I could not get it unclogged does not count all of the times I DID get the Alka Seltzer/Vinegar/Hot Water potion to work. I tried it three times last night and even added bleach, but to no avail.

I don't understand why a disposal is standard issue in a kitchen. The only thing it does for me is tell me what I should NOT put down there. No peelings. No pasta. No rice.  All of those things swell. No coffee grinds. Definitely no grease. Vegetables and cores make it sound like the garbage truck compacting heaps of trash. Spinach. . .  nah, that was a green, gooey, stinky mess. Egg shells seem to work okay, but that's about it. 

Being ever the optimist, I keep trying. And it keeps getting clogged. I don't know who in the heck designed it, but last night I found the problem. You see, I couldn't bear to hear my husband lecture me about what to and what not to put in the disposal so I decided to unclog it myself. Which probably would have been okay if we would have had a pipe wrench to begin with. After about half an hour of struggling with it, and having to hear the beginning of my husband's lecture which was cut short by a curt and deadly," This is not the time. Really." statement, I called my neighbor and her husband, who is all things mechanical, answered the phone. Even HE didn't own a pipe wrench. 

What the heck?!

But he WAS able to loan me some kind of wrench with teeth that actually helped me get the thing apart. I discovered last night that the lead in pipe is about a half inch wider than the place where the cross pipe joins, thus causing bottleneck, particularly when it comes to peelings that didn't get ground up in the first place.

This was, of course, after the pipe had exploded its nasty, stinky mess all over my pants and everything within a five foot radius.  

I actually managed to get it unclogged- without my husband's help. AND more importantly, I got it put back together and it works really, really good.

But no matter. I'm swearing off the garbage disposal. That certainly beats swearing AT it. And I'm going to the store to buy a pipe wrench.

Yours, wanting a moment to talk to the designer of those evil machines,


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Unofficial Rules for Counting Calories

A long time ago, I read an Ann Landers (or maybe Dear Abby, who knows?) about the “correct” way to count calories, and what doesn’t count. Over the years, my sisters and I have altered and perfected these rules, and now I am sharing them with you.

  1. If you eat standing up, the calories fall down to your feet and come out when you walk.
  2. If you eat in the dark, the calories cannot find your butt (or hips, or stomach), so they escape from the food before they get into your mouth.
  3. No matter how fattening a meal or snack may be, drinking a Diet j0427691 Coke with it will cancel out the calories.
  4. There are no calories if you eat off of somebody else’s plate. (This is why I make my husband get dessert, so I can eat a few bites or more off HIS plate.)
  5. Breaking a cookie, brownie, cupcake, or anything else in half, no matter how many times, will allow the calories to escape.
  6. If you are blissfully ignorant about the fat and calories of a particular dish or food, it can be whatever you want it to be. (This one is my favorite!

So there you have it. Now, I guess I should warn you that I am not a nutritionist or expert in the field of dieting, so SOME facts may be a BIT off. And also, these rules MAY not result in any weight loss!

What are your rules?


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Tuesday Debate- Uh, #19!?!?

Talk about your surprises. Michelle Duggar is now pregnant with her 19th child.  She is only 42, so that means she has been nearly continuously pregnant for nearly 20 years. TWENTY YEARS OF PREGNANCY. 

I don't know about you, but that just makes me hurt. Add to that, her oldest son is about to welcome his firstborn into the world, so that means she will be having a baby while becoming a grandmother.

So how many is TOO many?