Friday FUN!!!!

Yes, my Dear Readers, the time has come! The annual trek to the ocean. Love, love LOOOOOOVE this day! Z1 was determined to pack his own clothing this year, God love that little boy! For a week's worth of travel, he brought me one duffle bag with 7 pairs of shorts, 7 shirts, and his Jack (stuffed dragon). Apparently underwear, a toothbrush and deodorant were deemed unnecessary. Gotta love kids.

Z2, on the other hand, is determined to let me do all of the packing and then complain about what is and is not in the suitcase once we get there. Can anyone say EARLY TEEN DRAMA QUEEN? She's only 8. We're taking a step back and going on lock down over this. Mama's had enough of the mouth this summer. No, she's not a bad child, she just likes to know why and argue every single point. To put it mildly, she has worn me out. I'm gonna have to come up with a plan or she is going to wear me down before we get to age 10. Any suggestions? Melissa B (YES! There is another Melissa B! I'm really not talking to myself... this time, anyway. :) .... I know you have some creative ones.... I'd love to hear them!

The only thing I know is that by the time you are reading this, I will be en route, with tears of relief dried upon my cheeks. (It happens every time. My goal this year is to be at peace by the time we leave. While making that goal is a lovely thing, I know myself. Tears come as a release. It's just who I am).

I'm looking forward to washing off some things from this past year in the ocean. I'm looking forward to being still. I'm looking forward to cleaning out my mind for a bit and not bringing it back with me!

And I promise, I'll bring back some fun stories. :)

Yours, waiting for the waves,

Melissa

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY OLDIES STATION?

The other day I was driving my husband’s car, and he had taken his Sirius radio out of there (I don’t ask questions), so I had to listen to “regular” radio. It’s been a while, so I had to really rack my brain to try to remember the stations that I used to listen to. After hearing commercials on a couple of stations, I switched to the “Oldies” station, but was pleasantly surprised to hear music that I grew up with. Oh fun, I thought to myself, they’ve changed their format!

After several songs, the DJ came on with announcements, and lo and behold, they were STILL the Oldies station. WH…WH…WHAT??? How can that be? These are not OLDIES! These are not the songs my parents grew up with. These are MY songs that I grew up with! How can you POSSIBLY call them OLDIES?

I was outraged! How dare they call MY music OLDIES! It wasn’t that long ago. It was the ‘70s and ‘80s, not the ‘50s and ‘60s. It was only a a couple of decades ago. Wait, right? What year is this?

Oh, never mind.

Karen

Monday Madness... And the hits keep comin'!!!

Monday, Monday.... It's been a busy weekend. The Hub's sister and kids were in this weekend, so we've spent a lot of time with them, which is always fun. Saturday morning, however, was a mad dash to get the house cleaned before they got here. As they used to run their own cleaning service, I'm just a little on the "HOLYCOWtheyaregoingtothinkIcan'tkeepacleanhouse!!!!" side. Just a little bit. The Hubs asked what he could do to help. I promptly put him to work. He even came back a time or two and said,"What's next?"

Floored. I was absolutely floored. Where is The Hubs and what have you done with him? Bring him back? Uhm.... let me get back to you on that. ;)

He cleaned the entire basement (it's finished) and even cleaned the carpets! He cleaned the kitchen (Rays of sunshine from the heavens splitting the clouds I tell you!) while I was helping Z2 clean out her room. Yes, clean OUT. Three store bags of trash and a laundry basket later (She's a bit of a keeper. I, on the other hand, am a purger. We're working on that.) I emerge. I finish the upstairs and The Hubs and I finish the main floor together in record time.

Since I've been working more and more, it's gotten harder to clean the entire house in one day. After all, who wants to work 40 hours a week and spend an entire Saturday really cleaning up after three other people and a dog? Can I get a witness?

So after he's taking a break with Z1, I come in from the kitchen and say to him,"Hey- thanks a lot for just digging in with no complaints and really helping out. That meant a lot to me. I really appreciate it. The house just feels so clean and I didn't have to spend my entire weekend to get it that way. I'm looking forward to actually getting to relax with you and the family."

He replies,"Yeeeeeah... Wouldn't it be great if the house was ALWAYS this clean?!"

Stunned, yet only for a SPLIT second, (And mind you, before MY brain to mouth filter kicked in), I looked at him, turned on my heel and as I was walking away said,""Yeah. Maybe if you'd get up off your (-ahem!-) butt EVERY Saturday and help it would be."

Mama's tired. And she ain't playin' no mo. Right about that moment, a news program came on with a special report on how married couples feel about the division of chores.

Not. Even. Kidding.

You can't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor or great comedic timing.

Yours, counting the days to vacation!!!!

Melissa

Friday Funny- Again- Did you HEAR what you just said??!?

It's Friday morning. That usually means a low key morning during the summer, one of the few days we get that. I truly enjoy Friday mornings. So I'm having a little time to myself in the other room and The Hubs calls out,"Hey Honey! Cee Lo is on The Today Show!"

I love Cee Lo. His song,"Forget You" (clean version- hey! Don't judge me!) is one of the funnest, emotionally purest songs I have heard in a long time. I mean, he really gets down to the heart of the matter and says it exactly how he feels. And it's a great funk groove.

So I come into the living room and look at the TV. Cee Lo's talking and I look at The hubs and say,"Check it out. All of the band members are women!" (They were of course, beautiful, skinny and glammed up).

Without even a pause for THOUGHT... danger Will Robinson-USE YOUR MOUTH FILTER!!!!- The Hubs replies,"Yeah, but do you think they can really play?"

Seriously? Did you really just say that? Are you implying you can't be pretty AND play an instrument? Better watch your mouth there sir, 'cause I KNOW I can play. So what you sayin'?!?!?!?

I looked at him and said," I KNOW you did NOT just say that," and walked out.

Clearly, there is a need for some serious ministry and revelation in the B Household! ;)

(To be fair, he did recant after he saw them actually playing).

Yours, still slightly dumbfounded, even after all these years,

Melissa

SUMMER’S ALMOST OVER???

How can this be? Less than a month until school starts, and we haven’t even started our “Things to do this summer” list! And one of the weeks left of summer will be spent on vacation and another of those weeks will be spent with relatives in town. Then WHAM! they’re back in school and nothing will have gotten done!

CRAP!!!

Maybe I should have paid more attention to the kids when they kept asking when we were going to do all that stuff on the list. Instead I turned over to the other side so my tan would be even and said, “Soon, I promise, soon!”

BAD MOM!!!

BAD, BAD, BAD MOM!!!

There is one complete week after vacation and before school starts. I wonder how much I can squeeze into that week?

Karen

Monday Madness- I.WAS.THERE!!!!

Dear Readers,

I know this has absolutely NOTHING to do with kids or parenting or caregiving other than the fact that I'm SO grateful for my sister who took care of my two minions while I.WAS. THERE! Because paying a sitter for last night's once-in-a-lifetime event would have cost an arm, a leg and a good two pints of blood.

Last night The Hubs and I finally celebrated our Christmas present to each other.

WE. SAW. U2.

Floor seats.

Six feet from Bono, Larry, Adam AND The Edge.

This is going to take me a very, very , very long time to process because frankly, my feet have not hit the ground yet.

Anyone else seen the 360 tour? Would love to hear what you thought!

Yours, still singing Elevation,

Melissa

Friday Funny- Did you HEAR what you just said???

WARNING- this may not be for male readers.... well, not wimpy ones. Definitely not never been married ones.

I had to go to the doc today. I'm not a fan of medical procedures. Last week I finally took a blood test that had been waiting for me for six months. I know it's silliness, but the whole needles thing makes me all jelly-legged and vomitty. NOT a good look for me. Today's procedure involved several incisions, so I was not looking forward to it. AT ALL.

So I'm in the patient room, anxiously waiting. I'm having a procedure in a yonder region located in the lower half of what I call "The No Zone". You see, when I first got married, when something was amiss medically, The Hubs would call his dad, who is a pharmacist. That's fine if you're talking about your own body with your own dad. But when they began discussing MY body parts, I firmly laid down the law with a slice to my neck, a slice to my knees, and declared everything in between "The No Zone", meaning they did not discuss and diagnose those things within said Zone.

Oh, and did I mention this was my OB doc? Riiiiiiight. So I'm in the patient room waiting. I waited long enough to decide I had to get dressed again, because seriously, it would be extremely embarrassing if I could not hold the gallon of coffee I drank while said procedure was being performed. I also nervously filed my nails and read half a magazine, all while dressed in the ultimate of doctor couture, the paper sheet. Yeah. Livin' large, baby!

So the doc comes in, (I must mention, I absolutely adore this man and his nurse. They've been very, very good to me) and he begins telling me about the procedure and prepping me. They have me on the table, the nurse helps me lay back, and he says,"Okay. Now, relax."

In the instant of silence, I could not help myself and simply BURST out with a BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!! so loudly they stopped and I called out,"Doc! Wait!"

I was laughing so hard I couldn't contain myself. Doc's head peers from around the medical scope and curtain. He's laughing too.

I say,"Did you just hear yourself? Seriously! You're about to put ten inches of metal in an uncomfortable place to make incisions (without any numbing or anything of the sort) and you're telling me to RE-LAAAAXX?!?!? How about we switch places and I'll try the same prep/procedure and phrase on YOU and see if you're able to kick back without a care in the world!"

Of course by this time, we're all laughing so hard that we had to wait a good five minutes before we could get anything accomplished.

Yours, relieved that it's over, and hoping you laugh the next time you're in the doctor's office,

Melissa

WHO SIGNED ME UP FOR CUB SCOUT CAMP???

Okay, I admit it, I’m the one who signed myself up to help out at cub scout camp. (No, not overnight camp. You must know by now that I DON’T CAMP!!! This is just day camp.) But when I signed up, it was lovely spring weather. Yes, you’re right, I should have been thinking ahead. St. Louis in July is rather predictable. However this week is anything BUT. 100 degree days with heat indexes of 110+. UNBELIEVABLE!!! And to make it worse, I signed up for TWO days!

So yesterday was my first volunteer day. I don’t think I have ever been so hot for so long in my life! I have never had so much sweat pouring off my body in one day. Normally, I would say that Jewish Women don’t sweat, we glow. But honey, there was no glowing yesterday! There were buckets of sweat. (Don’t tell the other members of the tribe, please!)

It was so bad, that when we got to the pool, I just jumped in with all my clothes on! I brought my suit, but I figured, this way, I would remain cooler the rest of the day with wet clothes. Actually, it somewhat worked, and I think I’ll do it again on Friday!

Now the boys, bless their little hearts, were really troopers. We kept encouraging them to pour water on themselves and to drink as much as possible. And really, there was very little whining, which surprised the heck out of me! I was so proud of them! They seemed to hold up better than the adults. But definitely, by the end of the day, we were all slow and drooping and ready to go home.

Well, I get a couple of day’s rest, then back again on Friday. The light at the end of the tunnel: This is their last year of cub scouts. Once they’re in boys scouts, Dad gets to take over. WOO HOO!!!

Karen

 

Monday Madness

And this was the conversation as we walked into our local Walmart this weekend:

Me: Oh, Z2. Look! School supplies! You know what that means.....

Z2: *GASP!* Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Me: (long, drawn-out, evil giggle)

I don't know about you gang, but summer has me busier than the school year. And it's way more expensive. How many more weeks?

Five. Five more weeks.

We can do this and not lose what's left of our sanity, right? I sure hope so. This is the last week of swim team and baseball. And for that. I'm very grateful. Grateful to have participated, and grateful to take a break! Let's hope we all actually get ahead this week!

Yours, already thinking about how to get my to-list to to-done!

Melissa

Friday Funny- Why... Officer Kraus....

Dear Officer Kraus,

I realize that you are a nice young man, trying to do his job and uphold the law. I can respect that. However, due to the fact that I probably have 15 yrs on you, which equates to a ton of life experience, there is something I MUST get off my chest.

SERIOUSLY!!??? You pull me over because I entered the turn lane three cars too early? I didn't know that there was a specific part of the turn lane (because it runs THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE STREET) that you had to use to turn left! And while you were polite and professional, are you telling me that when you looked at my license, particularly the DATE OF BIRTH, you didn't notice it was my birthday? Okay... that's a little unnerving if you're supposed to be noticing details and all.

So happy birthday to me- a nice moving violation ticket for entering the turn lane too early. I just want to say, Officer Kraus, that there is this thing called karma. Now obviously, if you get pulled over, you're probably not going to get a ticket, being a policeman and all. However, there WILL be other things you just can't get out of and it will come on a day that really doesn't deserved to be marred with unnecessary complications- expensive ones at that. I could see if I was driving with reckless abandon or running drugs or endangering other people. But I would hope that you truly have something better to do than write me a ticket for THAT on my birthday. Otherwise, my taxes are being sorely misappropriated.

I really don't like you very much right now.

I'm wondering if 15 yrs down the line you will still be giving out tickets instead of warnings for inane rules. I'm thinking karma will catch up with you before then. I hope you listen.

Yours, calling a friend for help,

Melissa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MELISSA!!!

Today is Melissa’s birthday. I won’t say how old she is, only that she’s younger than I am! Of course, Melissa is more than just a business partner to me, she’s also a wonderful friend. So I want to do what I can to make her birthday special. Here’s how part of our day will go (as far as the night goes, I’ll have to hope her husband will take care of it!):

I’m still working off post-holiday eating, so I’ll be at the gym in the morning, but after my work-out, I’ll stop at the grocery store and pick up a birthday cake. Melissa firmly believes that everyone needs to have a cake and candles on your birthday, no matter how old you are! From there, I’ll pick up her children so she can go out to lunch with her very best friend and NO KIDS!

Lunch at my house (maybe McDonalds, but don’t tell her) and play time until her lunch is over. Then CAKE!!!!! After that, we all go to the pool. No, not my pool, but a public pool where it’s okay if we don’t watch the kids! No, what I mean is, of course we’ll watch our children, but if we happen to be in the lazy river for an hour or so and lose track of where they are, for just a minute, you know how that might happen…

Anyway, that’s it! Just a relaxing day! So please help me in wishing Melissa a happy, happy birthday today!

Karen

Happy Fourth of July!

Today we celebrate! Happy Fourth of July, America! We may not be perfect, but I still believe this is the best country on the planet! For all the freedoms we enjoy today, remember to thank a serviceman, past and present. Have a wonderful and safe Fourth of July!

Yours, celebrating my freedom,

Melissa

Friday Funny- I know, it sounds like a joke, right?

Well, dear readers, you've been hearing about it since Wednesday. Karen could hardly contain herself yesterday and posted an extra blog. Nice! So you all know by now, Karen, her sister and I all sat in the same room and they introduced me to one of their favorite musicals: Jesus Christ Superstar. Picture it like this:

A cuturally Jewish woman who is spiritually agnostic invites her friend over to share one of her favorite musicals. Her friend is a Believer, currently attending and working for the Lutheran church, but has beliefs from different denominations of Christianity. The first woman invites her sister, a practicing Jewish woman, to come as well to drown out the lady's singing with her own. All three of them are blonde.

The only one who hasn't seen it is the woman who believes in The New Testament. The other two ladies, brought up in the Jewish heritage, know every single word to the musical. The Believer can't get over the whole 70's hippie vibe, while the Jewish Lady and the Agnostic continue to drool over Ted Neely and sing every word. Even the high notes. (Loved it when they tried to sing bass). BTW, the Believer is a professional musician. How can this end well? By lounging in the pool of truth afterwards (the pool, whereupon entering, you MUST tell the truth to whatever is asked. No judging allowed.)

Explaining to Karen that no, the Jews really did kill Jesus (it was a political powerplay) and the Romans really had nothing to do with it (Hey! You're Herod's race!) was entertaining. And trying to explain things out of the New Testament was challenging. But I loved it. Loved my time with them. Always do. I especially love that we can be so different, yet respect and regard each other so highly and value our friendship over our differences.

I hope each and every one of you get that lucky some time in your life.

Yours, knowing that next up is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!

Melissa