Friday Funny- Complete Randomness

It's Friday! I'm so close to the break in the end of semester/session tension I can feel it. I can't see it yet, but I know it's just around the corner. It's that time of the school year season where everything just crunches together, so I get a little tweaked during these last few weeks. I would love to be one of those completely unflappable, gracious under any circumstance people, but let's just agree it's a Personal Safety Day in the B House. 


It's a bit random around here, with everyone's activities coming to the year end, so today I'll celebrate that randomness with completely unconnected thoughts-as if to imply all my other thoughts are somehow woven together in a cohesive manner. Sheesh. I'm crackin' myself up already.


THE Talk continues... Z1 actually said the "V" word the other day. It was just strange hearing that word come out of my 11 yr old's mouth. We've transitioned to using the real and appropriate body part names, which is a good thing, a growing thing. Then he asked me if it was The Magic Lamp. HUH? I'm still trying to figure that one out. 


I misspelled the name Beethoven this week. I thought I was going to have to go lie down. When my sister found out she said, dryly,"I thought I felt the universe wobble today."


Hhmph. Clearly she does not sympathize with what that mishap did to my psyche. 


It's been raining a lot here in The Lou. On Tuesday, it took me an hour and a half- NO LIE- to get my hair contained. I washed it with a salon shampoo and it made my hair so full. Scary to small children full. I looked like this character but only blonde:

 I ended up pulling back into a huge bun on the back of my head. It was the only way to make it safely through the day.


Yours, looking forward to the break in the clouds!


Melissa

BACK TO REALITY…

Yep, I’m back from The Sister’s Trip 2012, and it was AMAZING!!! Probably our best one yet! We went for 5 nights this time instead of 4, which was most likely the main factor for making this one the best. (I never told my husband we extended it a night, I just told him when I’d be back and waited to see if he noticed. He never did! Men…they’re so observant!!!)

We stayed at the Iberostar Grand Hotel Paraiso, the Most. Amazing. Resort. Ever! They upgraded us to beachfront rooms, which were SO CLOSE to the beach you wouldn’t believe it. (Mindy said it was spitting distance. I don’t know where she learned how to spit, but no way could I spit that far!) Each building has it’s own concierge and butler, who did ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for us. On our last night, somehow they knew when we were coming back to our rooms, and they had bubble baths waiting for us with candles lit and rose petals resting on the bubbles. ROSE PETALS!!! I wanted to bring Luis home with me!

Anyway, we sisters had a bit of bad news right before we left, so being together was exactly what we needed. Everything else was just icing on the cake for us. (Lots and lots of icing!)

We’re already counting down the days until The Sister’s Trip 2013!

Karen

Saturday Sass-It Happened. He knows. I think.

So Thursday my son tells me they watched a video with all the boys in 5th grade. As The Hubs was nowhere to be found, I hesitated to traverse these waters alone. (I don't swim well. I pretty much just sink.) Nevertheless, knowing it was going to have to be dealt with, I took a deep breath and jumped in despite my natural sinking abilities. 


"What kind of film was is?" I asked, knowing full well what he was going to tell me, and chastising myself for not going through his take home folder more regularly so that I would have actually SEEN the notice they send home beforehand...


"You know, Mom, all about growing up," he replied nonchalantly. "They told me I was going to get hair under my arms and around my privates. That I'm going to sweat a lot during my sleep. That everything about this is comPLETELY NORMAL. And something about "sterm" and yellow fluid."


"Sterm? Hmmm.... Maybe you mean "sperm"?" I asked, desperately trying to contain the coming onslaught of giggles.


"Yeah. Something like that. I don't know. I watched it and I'm done. I'm just going to go through some changes. That's all."


You can say that again!


And with that, the subject matter turned to the Social Studies quiz for Friday and my breathing resumed its regular rate.


Yours, thankful he's just going to "go through some comPLETELY NORMAL changes",


Melissa

Wednesday Whatever

Hello Dear Readers,

No, it's not Karen. She's returning from her Sister's Trip sometime today. This means she will be stepping back into reality at some point. I can't say I'm sad about that. I was beginning to tire of hearing about how wonderful Mexico is and how pampered she felt while I was here at home with a continuing sinus infection and kitchen renovation. No matter. It will be my turn next month when I travel on business with The Hubs. :)

 Among my mothering duties, recently I have  added driving the Monday evening carpool to swim.  I pick up three other girls in addition to my own daughter and we drive for about 25 minutes to get to swim practice. I sit through practice (an hour and 15 PLUS their showering time, add another 20 minutes!) and then it's another 25 minutes back. All told, we spend nearly 2 and a half hours on Monday night for swim. It takes up most of the night. And Monday happens to be a rather long day for me. Seems like it would be quite the imposition, right? I mean, with two jobs and songwriting and everything else, one would think this might be a huge time sucker and frustrating to me.

NOT!

Do you know how much you can learn about your kids driving the carpool? WHOA. Especially four chatty girls. Let's just say, I'm completely up to date on all the school events, social and academic, as well as anything happening in the neighborhood. I'm LOVIN' it!.  It's almost enough to make me want to be a stay at home mom! I finally understand why some women make that choice. I was a work at home mom during their infant/toddler years. And it was good, but I longed for more adult interaction.. But now that they are more grown and have opinions and DON'T MISS A BEAT, I am seriously considering cutting back some hours to volunteer more at school just to stay plugged in with my kids!

Yours, wondering how I could achieve this and still keep my sanity,

Melissa

Saturday Sass -"THE" Talk

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know my Z1 (5th grade) is coming up on some important milestones. At the end of the month, he'll see "THE" movie that precedes middle school boys health class.   
Yes, THAT movie. I'm somewhat dreading it. You see, my Z1 is still innocent and has this wonderful sense of naivety which I am reticent to relinquish. Not that it's mine to relinquish, I know, but I'm in no hurry to make it go away.  But I know the time is fast approaching.

So we were in the car the other day, myself, Z1 and Z2.  We were talking about the school day and Z1 pipes up, "I know what sex is."


Keep your eyes on the road Melissa! Act nonchalant! Do NOT hyperventilate!  Hands on the wheel!!! HANDS ON THE WHEEL!!!


"Oh. So you do," I say, as if he had just told me he had bought a pack of bubble gum. Luckily, in the midst of my fading mental focus, I remembered one of the most important things I've learned as a parent when the child brings up a sensitive topic. I didn't even look at him. I just acted like all was wonderful with the world and said,"And what do YOU think sex is?"


"Well," he says, all grins,"My third grade buddy brought it up today. He said the word "SEX" in the middle of class and everyone heard him and the WHOLE class was like WHOOOOOOOOAAAAA!" He laughed. 


"Did your third grade buddy tell you what sex is?" I asked.


"No way! RJ told me!" he explained.


"Pssshhh- Zach! I  know what sex is!" pipes up Z2 from the back seat. At this point, I'm considering pulling over for our safety. I began having flashbacks of when Z2 came home from first grade one day  having been taught the "eff" word by a kid in her class. Horrified does not even BEGIN to describe how I felt. "It's no big deal!" she continued. "It just means what GENDER you are!"


I silently said a prayer of blessing over her third grade teacher, knowing that explanation had come directly from him.  "No it's NOT!" Z1 condescended. "RJ told me it's when two people get naked and start kissing!"


"Oh, really..." I say. He looks right at me. "Do you and Dad do that?" At this point, I couldn't help myself. I burst into laughter. Unfazed, he continued,""Cause that's just gross. I don't think I'm going to do that until I'm at least fifty!!!" 


"You might feel differently about that in a few years," I replied. "But you DO need to be married before you start kissing a girl and being naked."


"Well, okay," he said, fully resigned." Maybe when I'm thirty, but no sooner! I still think that's gross mom. I really hope you're not kissing Dad like that!"


Oh. My. WORD. Z1 is going to be scarred for life.


Yours, trying to contain my giggles,


Melissa

SISTER’S TRIP 2012, 2 MORE DAYS!!!

If you’ve been reading our blog for a while, you know that every spring, I take a trip with my sisters to Mexico. It is the one time every year that I can really, truly relax and not take care of ANYONE but ME!!!

Here are our rules:

• No husbands
• No kids
• No makeup
• No diets
• No exercise

It’s heaven!

One thing I may not have mentioned is that every year we buy t-shirts and wear them on the last day and on the airplane home. It started as a joke with the shirts saying “Mom Likes Me Best,” but we got such a huge response from people, we decided to do it every year.

So here is our list of shirts that we have worn:

• Mom Likes Me Best
• What Happens With The Sisters Stays With The Sisters
• Who Needs a Therapist, I Have My Sister
• I’m The Sane Sister
• 1 of 3, 2 of 3, 3 of 3 (this one was really funny after we dropped #1 off in Dallas and only #2 and #3 were left!)

And this year’s:

• NOT Mom’s Favorite (Hmmm, a little different from our first year!)

We’re looking forward to wearing it, but not too soon, since that means we’re on our way home! So you won’t hear from me next week while I’m basking in the sun. Jealous?

Karen

Monday Madness- A Great Way To Say It

My kids are growing up. We're beginning to hit some of those moments that make parents a little nervous. (Just wait until you read the Friday Funny this week. I nearly drove off the road!)

I was talking with a fellow parent whose child recently became interested in a subject that let her mom know that she was growing up a little bit. She was relaying the story to me and I said,"Oh my goodness! What did you say?!" And she replied:

If you are interested in something, ask me about it. I'm happy to talk about it with you no matter what it is. I know you are going to ask your friends, but they may have the wrong information and it might cause you to get hurt. They're just finding out about things too so they don't always have it right. I don't want to see you get hurt. So just ask me and we'll talk about it. 

Wow. Simple. To the point. No pressure, no judgement, no boundaries. I went home and found my own Z2. I said the same thing to her. (I did add, "It might take me a minute, but just stay with me and we'll get through it. :)   But what a great way to explain to your kids that you want them to come to you- for their safety. Don't be embarrassed, don't feel ashamed... it's all normal and we'll get through it. 

Yours, working through those growing up questions,

Melisssa

Friday Funny- Happy Easter!

Today is Good Friday. I went to an incredible service at my church at noon. I'm always amazed at how every year the team retells The Easter Story in a fresh new way. So I will be celebrating His Resurrection this weekend. 


And I'll also be celebrating something else, much less significant, but I'm happy to see Sunday coming all the same. I gave up sugar for Lent. Not that big of a deal, in the scheme of things. It's a tough craving for me, for sure. The idea is that every time you feel the craving, you focus your mind and heart on the true meaning of Easter. Let's just say, I've been pretty focused on Easter these last 47 days. So thinking about this, I give you a visual of what my house will look like about 30 minutes after I wake on Sunday....

Yours, wishing you the happiest of Easters!

Melissa

PS- Thank you to Margie Wheeler who posted this cartoon this morning. So needed this laugh!

WHAT TO SAY IF YOUR CHILD IS OVERWEIGHT.

Did anybody read that article in Vogue from that woman who put her 7 year old daughter on a diet? Yeah, I didn’t either, and I can’t find it, but I read about it on several blogs. One of my favorite blogs is Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat? Love. This. Blog! Here, Rebecca Regnier points us to an article about the Vogue article which really spells it out.

The bottom line is it’s not the fact that this woman put her daughter on a diet, it’s the way she did it. It’s the hurtful words she used and the inconsistency which she maintained and the poor example she showed. It was horrific in my opinion, and apparently the opinion of many others.

I don’t have daughters as you know, but I have twin boys. And one boy is rail thin, while the other, while nowhere near fat, is a bit chunkier than his brother. It’s a very delicate situation to make sure they both make healthy choices, yet I want the thinner one to consume more calories. I have a very tough situation in my household, but I would NEVER call my other son fat, ever, in a million years.

Rebecca from Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat (don’t you just love that name?) has a great graphic which really answers the following question perfectly:

And she follows it up with this:

And then mom – look at yourself. Your child won’t do what you say but will see what you do and model that. Educate yourself about healthy eating and then eat that way, keep good choices in the house, get outside and play, praise a child for their accomplishments, and don’t let them have soda pop. The end.

Enough said! Thanks Rebecca!

Karen

Monday Madness- Unbelievable...

Yes, I know. I missed the Friday Funny. I tried several times, but to be honest, I just wasn't feeling the funny thing Friday. A million things happen through the week that just crack me up, but come Friday it was as if they all disappeared. ARGH. 


Something that HAS stayed with me, though, has been haunting me a bit since Spring Break. Remember how I said the kids went with me to sit in class while I taught? And we had so much fun and I took them to the bookstore and they picked out shirts for themselves and such? Well, Z2 picked out a Ladies' cut tee.    Really cute. In fact, she wanted us to have matching tees. So I bought her a small and me a medium. We didn't bother to try them on, because, well, I wear a medium and just knew that the shirt would be big on her. She's an average 8 year old. Average height, average weight.  I thought all would be well. 


We get in the car and she changes her shirt right away. It fit her perfectly, with the exception of it being too long. While I was thrilled it fit her so well, I was also surprised. Needless to say, the medium sized tee was not fitting me. At all. As in, NOWAY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH GONNA GET THAT THING ON MY BODY AND SET FOOT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE not fitting. 


Which got me to thinking.... she's eight and she's wearing a ladies' small? So I decided to compare her Webster shirt with one of her size 9 tees from Justice. The Webster shirt is all of one HALF inch wider. And this was prewashing. 


So what the makers of collegiate clothing are saying is that at age 18-23, I should be able to wear a size 9 or size 11 from Justice.


It's absolutely no wonder there are so many eating disorders in Amercia.  How in the world can I raise a beautiful young girl with a healthy self esteem if this is what I'm up against?


Yours, seriously considering getting on the phone to start tracking these people down,


Melissa