Friday Funny- Complete Randomness

It's Friday! I'm so close to the break in the end of semester/session tension I can feel it. I can't see it yet, but I know it's just around the corner. It's that time of the school year season where everything just crunches together, so I get a little tweaked during these last few weeks. I would love to be one of those completely unflappable, gracious under any circumstance people, but let's just agree it's a Personal Safety Day in the B House. 


It's a bit random around here, with everyone's activities coming to the year end, so today I'll celebrate that randomness with completely unconnected thoughts-as if to imply all my other thoughts are somehow woven together in a cohesive manner. Sheesh. I'm crackin' myself up already.


THE Talk continues... Z1 actually said the "V" word the other day. It was just strange hearing that word come out of my 11 yr old's mouth. We've transitioned to using the real and appropriate body part names, which is a good thing, a growing thing. Then he asked me if it was The Magic Lamp. HUH? I'm still trying to figure that one out. 


I misspelled the name Beethoven this week. I thought I was going to have to go lie down. When my sister found out she said, dryly,"I thought I felt the universe wobble today."


Hhmph. Clearly she does not sympathize with what that mishap did to my psyche. 


It's been raining a lot here in The Lou. On Tuesday, it took me an hour and a half- NO LIE- to get my hair contained. I washed it with a salon shampoo and it made my hair so full. Scary to small children full. I looked like this character but only blonde:

 I ended up pulling back into a huge bun on the back of my head. It was the only way to make it safely through the day.


Yours, looking forward to the break in the clouds!


Melissa

Saturday Sass -"THE" Talk

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know my Z1 (5th grade) is coming up on some important milestones. At the end of the month, he'll see "THE" movie that precedes middle school boys health class.   
Yes, THAT movie. I'm somewhat dreading it. You see, my Z1 is still innocent and has this wonderful sense of naivety which I am reticent to relinquish. Not that it's mine to relinquish, I know, but I'm in no hurry to make it go away.  But I know the time is fast approaching.

So we were in the car the other day, myself, Z1 and Z2.  We were talking about the school day and Z1 pipes up, "I know what sex is."


Keep your eyes on the road Melissa! Act nonchalant! Do NOT hyperventilate!  Hands on the wheel!!! HANDS ON THE WHEEL!!!


"Oh. So you do," I say, as if he had just told me he had bought a pack of bubble gum. Luckily, in the midst of my fading mental focus, I remembered one of the most important things I've learned as a parent when the child brings up a sensitive topic. I didn't even look at him. I just acted like all was wonderful with the world and said,"And what do YOU think sex is?"


"Well," he says, all grins,"My third grade buddy brought it up today. He said the word "SEX" in the middle of class and everyone heard him and the WHOLE class was like WHOOOOOOOOAAAAA!" He laughed. 


"Did your third grade buddy tell you what sex is?" I asked.


"No way! RJ told me!" he explained.


"Pssshhh- Zach! I  know what sex is!" pipes up Z2 from the back seat. At this point, I'm considering pulling over for our safety. I began having flashbacks of when Z2 came home from first grade one day  having been taught the "eff" word by a kid in her class. Horrified does not even BEGIN to describe how I felt. "It's no big deal!" she continued. "It just means what GENDER you are!"


I silently said a prayer of blessing over her third grade teacher, knowing that explanation had come directly from him.  "No it's NOT!" Z1 condescended. "RJ told me it's when two people get naked and start kissing!"


"Oh, really..." I say. He looks right at me. "Do you and Dad do that?" At this point, I couldn't help myself. I burst into laughter. Unfazed, he continued,""Cause that's just gross. I don't think I'm going to do that until I'm at least fifty!!!" 


"You might feel differently about that in a few years," I replied. "But you DO need to be married before you start kissing a girl and being naked."


"Well, okay," he said, fully resigned." Maybe when I'm thirty, but no sooner! I still think that's gross mom. I really hope you're not kissing Dad like that!"


Oh. My. WORD. Z1 is going to be scarred for life.


Yours, trying to contain my giggles,


Melissa