FOLLOW UP TO YESTERDAY’S RELIGION LESSON…

Okay, so just a few quick notes from my movie watching/religion lesson yesterday.

1. Apparently those were NOT Roman Priests who wanted to get rid of Jesus. No, they were Jewish Priests who didn’t want their power undermined by somebody calling themselves The “King” of the Jews. Hmmm, who knew we could be so devious? Not very nice at all. And horrible hats, if I must say myself!
2. That “pilot” dude I was referring to? Yeah, that was Pontius Pilate. (He was Roman!) Hey, I was close.
3. Mary? Still unclear whether Jesus slept with her or not, but I’m leaving that one alone. (But I must concede to my sister that Helen Reddy made the song “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” hit the charts, not Yvonne Elliman, although I like Yvonne’s version from the movie better.)

All in all, I learned quite a bit yesterday. Melissa, being a bit younger than Margee and I, didn’t seem to enjoy the early 70’s dancing and costumes as much as we did, but I think she secretly enjoyed giving a couple of Jewish girls some good New Testament lessons!

Karen

RELIGION–THE FORBIDDEN TOPIC

Karen’s note: You may not want to read this blog post if you are uber sensitive to religious jokes, because I’m not promising that a few won’t slip out. Intentionally. Sorry in advance! (Kind-of!)

Today is the day. Melissa and I have been planning this day for months. Today is the day that we watch the musical Jesus Christ Superstar together. The original. You remember, the one that came out in the seventies with the hunk, Ted Neely. (I saw him a few years ago reviving his role in the play. No, he is NOT still a hunk, but yes, he can still belt out those songs!)

The reason this is such a huge thing for us is somewhat complicated. You need to understand that Melissa is very spiritual and very dedicated to her religion. I think she’s Lutheran. Frankly, all the Christian religions are pretty much the same to me. If you believe in Christ, you’re lumped in the same category. I, on the other hand, was raised Jewish (could you tell?), but married a Christian-turned-Atheist, and now don’t really do much of anything. I guess you could call me a Lapsed Jew. Kind-of like a Lapsed Catholic, but without all that fire and brimstone, going-to-hell stuff!

Okay, so keeping that in mind, Melissa has actually never seen Jesus Christ Superstar. And I have seen it, movie and live performances, at least a dozen times. I LOVE IT!!! I love the music and the dancing and everything about it. But even more importantly, everything I know about the Christian religions, I learned from this musical. (I can hear the gasps!) Really! Do you think we learned that stuff in temple? No, I learned it when the movie came out.

I learned about Judas (was he really black?), Mary (I have been told NOT to suggest that she actually slept with Jesus), that Pilot dude (I always forget his name), all those Roman priests, and a ton of other guys.

So Melissa is going to let me know how true to life (so to speak) it really is. I’ll make sure she comments on this post so we all know what she thinks! But I hope she won’t comment on my singing voice!

Karen

PS Happy Birthday to my MUCH older sister who will be joining us!

Monday Madness- Mama Ain't Playin'.

A friend of mine, whom I love dearly, recently posted on her blog about going through a house funk. She asked what people do to get out of theirs... And this came tumbling out:

First off- I so understand. I went through the Thing today. It always hits the day before I have my cycle. You know, I feel like I have NO focus, I’m NEVER going to amount to ANYthing and why the HECK does this house always look like a tornado hit it? So here’s a few things I do:

1. I start tidying up. I pick one place on the main floor (usually the dining room table, because I need a BIG place) and start piling up all the clutter and crap and things that need to be put away. I put it all there and get the other rooms in order. Then I can go through the pile and do the following: recycle, put away/store and toss. We recycle nearly everything, so I rarely feel guilty for tossing. To that degree, we even have a trash bin in the garage for the semi annual appliance/computer recycle event.

2. I have what I call a Buy Back Bin. Kids leave stuff laying around? Shoes? Toys? ANYTHING of theirs? I give them fair warning that I’m cleaning up and if they don’t pick up after themselves, it goes in the Buy Back Bin. They can either buy it back -a quarter an item- or it can get donated to Good Will. Mama Ain’t Playin.

3. If all else fails, I throw crap in the fireplace and torch it. What can I say? A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Hugs, Fluid Pudding (well, not really because I know you’re not a hugger. How about a high five?). Hope some of these ideas work!

I'd love to see the idea of the Buy Back Bin catch on all around the nation... Hmmmm.... maybe I should put a Mac and Chicken Fingers logo on them? It's a thought!

Yours, praying you are NOT going through The Thing today,

Melissa

Friday Fun

Let's be honest. It's Friday and I got nuthin'. I know I'm supposed to be funny today, but frankly, I'm not feelin' it. A girl just can't be funny all the time. I mean, I'm inherently easy to laugh at, because I'm just me, The Original Walking Party of One, but today, all comedic senses have drained from my body, no where to be found.

I think it's time to go to the pool. Maybe I'll find it there.

Yours, simply chillin',

Melissa

HONESTY: 3, DISHONESTY: 1… WE WIN!!!

Lately I have seen shining examples of very honest and very dishonest people, and I am proud to say that the honest ones have won out over the scumbags! Let’s start with the sad, sad story so I can end on a high note:

Our family went to see a movie a few weeks ago. Since we got there early, anticipating a large crowd, we let the boys bring their iPod Touches. Eric gave me his when the movie started, but Adam put his in his pocket. Too bad, because it slipped out during the movie, never to be seen again. AND, while I was rooting around in my purse for my low calorie snack, my Ray Ban sunglasses fell out, unnoticed by anyone except the person who picked them up after the movie ended. Neither of these items was turned in, of course. Even though the iPod had a decal of Bart Simpson on it, which would have told ANYONE that it belonged to a kid. Yes, it was a very expensive movie for my family!

On to the good. On my way to Cancun for the Sister’s Trip 2011, we stopped in Dallas to pick up Sister #1. I went to the bathroom in the airport and accidently left my purse in the stall. Just as I was screaming to Sister #2, “Oh S#&%, I LEFT MY PURSE IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!,” a woman was walking by and grabbed my arm and said, “Wait, is this it?” There she was, holding my purse, about to bring it up to the desk. My heart started beating again at that point!

Next example was also in the airport. In fact, they all are! Last weekend, on my way to Dallas for a short Sister’s weekend (Hmmm, is there a trend here?), I’m in line to check my baggage when an employee yells out a woman’s name. The woman next to me waves her arm and the employee hands the woman her wallet. This woman just had the look of total shock on her face. She had no idea she even lost her wallet, and some honest stranger turned it in. Can you imagine how she felt? She was horrified, relieved, you name it!

An hour later, I’m sitting on the plane and reach down to turn off my phone, when I realize my phone isn’t in my purse. CRAP! I had set it down next to me on my chair in the terminal. I jump up and run off the plane (others were still boarding), yelling to the flight attendant, “I LOST MY PHONE!” Then I get to the terminal and yell to the guy taking tickets as I’m running past him, “I LOST MY PHONE!” He yells back “What’s it look like?” I say, “I don’t know, a phone,” thinking, what’s he asking me a stupid question like that for? Then it dawns on me that perhaps he actually has my phone, so I slow down, tell him what kind of phone I have, and sure enough, somebody had turned it in to him.

So the moral of these stories is this: there are still a BUNCH of honest people in the world. At least in airports!

Karen

Monday Madness- Uhm, Summer Break? Are You Sure?

5:45 AM- Hush up Lola before she wakes the entire house

5:50- Try to go back to sleep

6:35- Finally give up and brew coffee

7:00- Wake the kids and start a load of laundry

7:10 Wake the kids- try to eat breakfast and tidy up the kitchen

7:30- remind them we are leaving in 15 minutes

7:31- Pack all the necessary bags for the day

7:45- Yell for the kids and try to finish getting ready myself

7:50- Start getting them out the door

7:55 Pull out of the driveway

8:00 Turn around because Z1 forgot something

8:10 Swim Practice for Z2

8:15 Return home for the second forgotten item

8:30 Get back to swim practice

8:45 Pull Z2 from swim practice

9:00 Drop Z1 off at summer camp while Z2 changes in the car

9:10 Arrive at St. John's Vacation Bible School. Drop off my child and begin helping herd the other children who are lost or need instruction (With 1,000 kids attending- no joke- there's a LOT of herding going on).

9:30 Finally get to my desk to start returning phone calls and cancel a musical theater program.

11:00 Meeting

12:00 Pick up Z2

12:30 Finish work and clock out

1:00 Make it home finally (the parking lot at VBS is a zoo!) and have lunch

1:15 Another load of laundry, pick up the house, begin folding dry laundry

2:00 Put a meal together for a friend while talking with another friend on the phone

2:15 Get a script refilled

2:30 Facebook break (yay!)

2:45 Pack up the car, leave the house to pick up Z1 and two other friends from camp

3:15 Get everyone placed in the car, begin driving down Manchester

3:25- Hey! McDonald's! Who wants an ice cream cone?

3:45- Meet my friend's spouse at the gas station to hand off the meal (she's recouping)

4:05 Drop off the other campers

4:10- get home- get my athlete prepped, and make sure Lola eats before we leave

4:45- Early dinner because we have a game

5:15- leave for the game

6:00 BASEBALL!

8:25- home after a great game but disappointing loss

8:30-pull a few weeds in the garden and stake up my snap peas

8:45- Grab my computer and blog

9:00 watch my new favorite show: Platinum Hit

My question: WHEN does Summer BREAK begin?

Yours, feeling like I have kids in half day preschool again,

Melissa

Friday Fun- HUGE CELEBRATION!!!!

Here at the B house, we are having a celebration today. HUGE celebration. I mean, break out the streamers and confetti. Turn up the music and shake your groove thing. Light up cigars and pour the champagne!

We've been waiting for this for FIVE years now. Many meetings in the village. Grown men plotting mayhem in my front yard. Getting up at the crack of dawn to scope out the scene. Lying in wait for movement in the dark. Countless phone calls to various strategic planners. Money invested in countless ideas and methods. And today, dear readers, our goal has been met and we are celebrating hard core. All because...

We. got. the. MOLE!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Yes, it's the little things. That turn into big things. And they're all worthy of celebration!

Yours, thinking I need to bake JD the Mole-inator a cake or something,

Melissa

THE TWINS ARE SEPARATING!

It’s time. We knew this day would come. We naively thought it would be later. But it’s here. At the age of 10. The twins have decided they want separate rooms. **Sigh** We have a four bedroom home and have really enjoyed spreading ourselves out! We have the master bedroom, the twins’ room, the office, and the sewing (HE sews, not me)/eBay/junk room.

Now what?

I’ll tell you what. Now we have to clean up the junk and sell all the eBay crap that I’ve been putting off selling for years so we can consolidate two rooms into one. Ugh!

Oh yeah, wait, this is about them, not me. Okay, refocus here. So the boys are 10 years old and have decided they need their own space. Why do boys need their own space? I mean, if they were girls I would understand. Or if they were boys hitting puberty, I would get it (yuk!). But 10 year old boys? I guess they just need time apart. Separating everything is going to be tough, though. They share everything: clothes, books, toys, you-name-it. (Even down to their undies!) But this is important to them, so we’ll figure it all out.

This is one of those “growing up” events, isn’t it? Damn, I hate those!

Karen

Monday Madness- I Can't Believe She FORGOT!

When Karen and I started our business, The Caregiver Organizer, we agreed that each of us would have certain responsibilities. In the beginning it was very different because I was working from the home part-time and she was in full time sales. Eventually, we made a complete switch. Who knew? I'm now working full time (2 part time jobs equal a full time job, don't you agree?) and she is at home, manning the fort and -ahem- working on The Caregiver Organizer.

When the switch came, things that were my responsibility slowly became hers. One of those things was doing the books. Now, to begin with, it's funny that I would even do the books because, if you know me, you know that math and excel spreadsheets are FAR from my strengths. FAR. Miles. LIGHT YEARS. I was more than relieved when she took over the books.

Karen has strengths and weaknesses as well. She's an amazing editor- one that can see an error before it hits the page. She's a polished businesswoman. She does, however, have lousy short term memory. I can only say this because she will openly admit it to you.

So the other day I get a text asking for our accountant's number. I asked what was wrong. She kindly evades me. I ask again. She dodges the request. Finally I tell her to JUST.TELL.ME.

Karen was fabulous at getting our taxes done early this year In fact, I believe she had everything done by the end of January. Wonderful!

However, she FORGOT TO ACTUALLY SEND THEM IN!!!!!!!!!

She was cleaning up her office and just HAPPENED to find the envelope.

Our next posts may come to you from jail. If they do, we'll let you know how much the bail is and where to send money to get us out.

Yours, thinking I should get used to wearing stripes,

Melissa

Friday Funny-More Than One Way to "Take Care" of Them!

Here in The Lou, we are in the throes of the cicada invasion. Just when you think it's getting better, well, not so much. Suffice to say, we're not the only city that's had enough of them. Lots of funny stuff popping up all over the web. See that family in the picture above? That's my girlfriend Elizabeth. See the child in the middle? That's her 3rd boy, Andrew. Andrew is everything a little boy should be. Pure, 100% boy.

Logging onto facebook the other day, I found this post by my friend:

Lots of chirping coming out of Andrew's room.....found about 15 cicada's in a make shift cage, he told me he has taught them tricks, took one out, slammed it to the ground and yelled "Sit! See Mom, he listens."

Well, that's one way to take care of 'em!

Yours, wishing you a cicada free Friday,

Melissa

THE “BAD WORD” JAR

Some houses have a jar for curse words. We have a similar jar, (mug, actually) but it’s for what I consider to be “bad” words that my kids say. I should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago, but I didn’t, so this here is my goal this summer for my two 10 year old boys:

• Stop talking about their private body parts ALL THE TIME, and
• stop calling each other names.

So the words that they are not allowed to say are:

• penis
• anus
• idiot
• retard (recently added)

Every time they say one of these words, they must put a quarter into the Bad Word Jar. It’s only been a little over a week, and I already have a couple of bucks.

But here’s the really funny part. (Melissa couldn’t stop laughing at this one!) A little while after I told them this list of words, they came up to me and (in complete seriousness) asked me what word they could use instead of anus. Could they use wiener instead? Keeping a straight face, I asked them what they thought an anus was, and they both, simultaneously, pointed to their penises. I lost it! I tried to stay serious, I really did, but I failed miserably! I had tears running down my face! They were very confused, to say the least! But I finally calmed down enough to explain to them the proper meaning of the word and they now have several other words they can use. Thank goodness!

So wish me luck on achieving my goals this summer. I have a feeling I’ll be adding more words to the list as they get more creative with their vocabulary! And I’ll probably be explaining more of these words to them, too!

Karen

Monday Mania

The Hub, feeling my pain over my Swiffer Wet Jet (see previous Saturday Sassafrass), decided that apparently he would attempt to have better results. Like those pictures, right? (It took everything I had not to say "I told you so".) Guess what... now I can do it double fasted. Heck, with a coupon for a free Swiffer, who wouldn't want to redeem it, even though it doesn't work? And of course, that WILL build brand loyalty, won't it? Sense the sarcasm there? Because that's definitely the sarcasm font I'm using. ;)

And in other news, it's Week #2 at Camp Bishop. Yee-ha! Thankfully there is always an end in sight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing summer away by any stretch of the imagination. I LOVE summer. LOVE IT. Fresh fruit (yay for watermelon and pineapple!), the pool, vacation, popsicles, swinging in the hammock, those are all high on my list. I even enjoy summer baseball. And road trips. Love those road trips.

The end of which I speak, however, is summer camp. THANK GOODNESS FOR SUMMER CAMP. While I love my children fiercely, having two rambunxious (sp?) kids and trying to get anything accomplished seldom goes hand in hand. Next week, Z1 starts day camp for three weeks. Those will probably be the easiest three weeks of my summer. I'm looking forward to him being tired at the end of the day. :)

Okay, time for another cup of coffee. Yes, I realize it's 1:24 in the afternoon, but I still have hours of Camp Bishop to go. :)

AND! It's my wedding anniversary today. Happy 13th Anniversary to The Hub and I.

Yours, going to brew some French Press,

Melissa

Saturday Sassafrass.

And here's a glimpse into my week....

*****

I came over to Karen's house for a poolside business meeting on Wednesday. She had not had internet or TV for 5 days. I got to listen to the phone call she had with customer service. (Yes! Poolside entertainment!)

********

The sitter came over on Thursday. It happened to be my mother, keeping the kids for me for a few hours. She was emptying the dishwasher for me, which I DO appreciate, but I said,"Mom, please don't do that. It's Z2's chore and she needs to take care of it."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know," she replied.

"That's okay," I said. "However, you DO know better than to call Z1 a jack@$* when he beats you in Stratego. Please don't do that either."

Babysitting by the Mamaw.... Free

Busting your own mother for HER mouth......PRICELESS

********

Dear Swiffer,

I contacted you because the Swiffer Wet Jet I purchased (along with the extra cleaning pads and fluid, nay to the tune of $40) does not work on my floor. It leaves streaks and lines of dirt. IT just doesn't work for my floors. Your response, instead of refunding my money, was to send me a coupon for a free new Swiffer of my choice and extra cleaning pads. So now I can have TWO mopping devices to streak my floors? Help me understand how that works....

Sincerely Yours,

Melissa

NO TV OR INTERNET FOR 4 DAYS…THANKS AT&T!

Yep, my family went without TV and internet for 4 days, thanks to AT&T. Normally, I love their service. The customer service is great on the phone, the techs are great when they come out. But this time, well, they blew it. BIG time! And not just once. No, they blew it over and over again.

So without going into too much boring detail, I’ll just tell you that somehow they (“they” meaning the people NOT in St. Louis, where I am) decided I was part of a system outage, which I most definitely was not. One guy even told me that all of Missouri was out! So they kept canceling my service calls. Without telling me. Or calling me.

So after each missed service call, I’d call them, they’d tell me there is an outage, I’d tell them there isn’t, they’d call the dispatcher and tell them that information and reschedule the call, and the whole cycle would begin again. And again. 4 times, in fact. Until I finally got fed up enough and smart enough to demand that whether there is an outage or not I wanted a tech out there NOW and let me talk to a manager NOW. That worked!

Now I will say, that the guy that came out here was awesome and finally found the problem (thanks, dude!) and wouldn’t leave until he was sure all of our computers and TVs were working properly.

So our family is back to normal. The boys and I laid in bed this morning and watched Young Frankenstein. LOVE that movie! And even though most of the jokes went over their heads, they loved their first Mel Brooks movie, too!

All I have left to do is to call AT&T back and demand some compensation. I’ll have to get Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder out of my head and muster up some of that anger again!

Karen