Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday Funny- Oh Yes, Spouse GPS

Dear Tom-Tom GPS,

I've been very intrigued over the last 6 months with your downloads of different character voices. I especially liked the Yoda voice download. The video makes me laugh every single time, especially when he makes the sound engineers sliders go maniacal. 
We're coming up on vacation within the next few months at The B House. As we always take a long car trip, it got me to thinking... (Danger, Will Robinson!!!) ... I would LOVE to have Spouse Voice GPS download. Think of the time you could save millions of women  spouses across America. The GPS could be turned on and I any spouse in the navigational chair could zone out  read their book in complete peace. It would take care of the reminding for them. Just think....  you could program responses such as:

1.) Yes, honey, we are making GREAT time! (Please set this to repeat every 25 miles). 

2.) Yes, dear, I know we just stopped 2 hours ago, but if the kids don't get to go to the bathroom soon, it's gonna get six shades of stinky in here! (Please set this to play after ONE hour of continuous driving, repeating every 8 minutes until we stop.)

3.) Yes, dear, the map CONFIRMS what the GPS is saying. (Please use after stating #1. Continual loop.)

4.) We're really ready for a break now! (Said in a somewhat cheery voice. See instructions on #2).

5.) Dearest children of mine, play nice or I'm coming back there. (Set this to play when said spouse overrides #2).

6.) I MEAN IT. DON'T Make me come back there. (In conjunction with #5, as you deem necessary).

7.) Honey- please... I'm begging, don't take the alternate route in Atlanta. Can we PLEASE stay on the main route this time? (Please program this to speak 30 minutes before we hit Atlanta, and repeating every two minutes until he driver agrees.)

8.) Yes. I know. I can SEE that we are at a dead stop in nine lanes of traffic. Which is why I begged you not to take the alternate route. (Program for when we hit Atlanta).

9.) Hey Mister! Don't get fussy with me! I told you not to take the alternate route! If you're not gonna listen, why did you turn the GPS on in the first place?!?!?!? (Please use in conjunction with #8. For an extra fee, you could program it to mumble something completely undecipherable and shut down afterwards).

I'd be happy to do the voiceover for free. And once this is uploaded to the GPS, I can put my earplugs in and rest assured I'm still navigating.  Please say you'll consider it....

Yours, looking forward to that car trip!



  1. You are too funny! There's a joke about that, you in
    "Why are there more men than women in h*ll?" (Obviously, the men won't stop to ask for directions...) Have a great vacation!

  2. Paula! Love that joke! I'm in preparation mode for a while before vaca. But, it's never too early to get ready! :)

  3. Jim had a phone on which I could program a ring, which was really no ring at all, but my voice, getting progressively louder saying "Answer your phone Jim! Answer your phone, Jim!" It was good for a few laughs, but after a day or two I changed it to some other ring. It just sounded soooooooo insistent. Your idea, however, just might work. All our GPS ever says is "Recalculating" anyway. :)