Friday Funny- Seriously.

"How. Did. You..."

"I...I.. I don't even .."

Glaring look.

Shrug and raised eyebrows.

$2000 damage to the car.

$150 to the newly installed garage track.

An amount to be determined to the brick facing on the front of the garage.

I have not had an accident that has been my fault in 12+ years. I'm a decent driver- safe and slow.

But give me two fighting children in the back seat and wow, I can take the left back door (same place I had my last accident 12+ years ago) and crunch it nicely. And not even get out of the garage.

I. Am. GOOD!

Yours, wishing you an accident free weekend,

Melissa

TEEN LOVE, OR IS IT?

Teenagers falling in love certainly isn’t like it was when I was in high school. Or maybe I just have selective memory and remember it like a Molly Ringwald film. But I sure don’t remember girls backstabbing each other and boys stringing girls along until they find they find one better.

Here’s a sample of a what’s happening in the life of a friend’s son:

• Boy meets girl.
• After one or two dates, boy and girl profess love for each other. (Because, really, who needs more time than that?)
• Girl assumes they are going steady (or whatever they call it nowadays), boy knows nothing of the sort.
• Boy decides girl is not “exciting” enough and breaks up. (Read into that whatever you want.)
• Boy quickly meets another girl (we’ll call her girl2).
• Girl #1 is heartbroken.
• Boy and girl2 break up after a week for whatever reason.
• Boy doesn’t like being without a girlfriend so he gets back together with girl.
• Of course she takes him back.
• Girl and boy go out one night with a friend of hers.
• BIG MISTAKE!
• Boy decides he likes girl’s friend. (We’ll call her girl3.)
• Boy and girl3 go out behind girl’s back.
• THEN boy breaks up with girl.
• Boy and girl3 start dating.
• (This is where is gets a bit shady for me.) Somehow girl3 catches boy and girl kissing and breaks up with boy. Now everyone is mad at everyone and everyone is single.

SO glad my kids aren’t teenagers yet!

Karen

Monday Madness- And we ARE talking Madness

Here in the Rockwood School District, I'm beginning to wonder if we really like going to school. You see, there is not one single month of the school year that does not include some sort of three day weekend. No one. Last month was Spring Break. This month, it's Easter Weekend. For Spring Break they had the Friday before and then an entire week. This past weekend, the Z Kids had a half day on Thursday, off for Good Friday, and off for Easter Monday. Now, as a Believer and Church Musician, I am all for celebrating Easter. Bur ALL of these days off school???? This is getting ridiculous. It's madness, I tell you. At least, that's what it has become in the B House. To the following extent....

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I lost it as a mom on Friday. I mean lost it. Remember the mention of my car door snafu last week? Still not ready to talk about it. (I'll get there, I will.)But what preceded it was the verbal shenanigans of my children's mouths. My Z2 will make a lovely lawyer one day, but her mouth just DOES.NOT.STOP. After Thursday's ordeal, I was still a bit on edge (read:only one nerve left and I can't promise you it was even whole). On Friday, after dropping off my car to be repaired, I had plenty of Easter errands to run. So I load the kids into the car and off we go. And the mouths began. I told them nicely FOUR times within EIGHT minutes to stop and they didn't. So I don't know what came over me, but I whipped around with the mean stank eye, pointed my finger at their surprised faces and said,"Knock it off!!! Knock this crap off. RIGHT. NOW. And if you (pointing at Z2) don't wipe that smirk off your face right now, I am going to beat you within an inch of your life! (No, I really don't lay a hand to them, but sometimes fear is a healthy thing). And FEAR NOT! Should I go a little too far and take you out, I am CONfident that I will pray and the Lord Jesus Himself will raise you up so I can beat you again!!!!!!" And then I turned around, put both hands on the wheel and said,"Are we CLEAR?"

There was a sheepish reply of,"Yes ma'am," from the backseat.

I'm not proud of this, mind you. I try very hard not to lose it. But sometimes being nice just doesn't work. Suffice to say, they were pretty much well behaved for the rest of the trip. Pretty quiet too.

Until we hit the last grocery store. Z2 began to get exceedingly verbal. This time, I held my cool. I looked at her and said,"Z2, the last time we were here at the end of errands, you had a complete meltdown. Do you remember what happened after that?" (She was grounded from playdates for an entire month. Mama ain't playin'.)

"Yep," she replied,"And I don't need a repeat."

Good girl.

Honestly, I think this five day weekend is a ploy to motivate me to sign my kids up for summer camps. Guess what I'll be doing this afternoon....

Yours, mentally deliberating to which camps I will send my Zs,

Melissa

Friday Funny- It's Been a Long Time Coming...

It's been a week at the B House. Last night I topped it off by backing out of the garage while Z1 was holding his door open. Yyyyepp. I'm certain that will be blogged about in the coming weeks. Frankly, I'm still rather incoherent about it. I'm still processing.

Earlier this week, report cards came out. It's not that my Zs are bad students, they are pretty good, actually. School comes very easy for Z2. For Z1, not as much. This time, he was running home to show me his report card. He could not have been prouder. He had all A's and B's. One of those B's brought up from a midquarter grade of a D. He's been working so hard. It's not that he can't. He's just a child of preferred tasks. And if he doesn't prefer it, it can be heck getting him to complete it. He's a bit stubborn that way.

So he and I were going over his report card and suddenly, he throws his arms up in the air and yells,"YYEEEESSSS!!!! YES!YES!YES!" He begins to shake his tail feathers as if he was in a Fredbird audition. "What! What???" I exclaimed.

"I did it! I finally did it! I met my personal school goal!!!!!!"

"What was that, my love?" expecting something grand and magnanimous.

"Do you see these boxes, Mom?"

"Yes."

"Not one single mark in them. Not one 'Needs Improvement'. I DID it! I. FINALLY. FOLLOWED. DIRECTIONS!!!!!!!"

And at that, I had to shake my own tail feathers. Ten years in the making, that one was, and if you think we are through celebrating, you're dead wrong. I'm riding this wave to the shore and back again, Baby! I am going to milk this achievement for all it's worth because now that we know he can, he'll be able to do it all the time!

Should have seen his face when I made THAT statement. :D

Yours, wishing you a wonderful Easter Weekend where EVERYONE behaves and follows directions,

Melissa

SISTER’S TRIP 2011 PICS!!!

OMGosh, I forgot to blog yesterday! And Melissa didn’t even call me on it! (Bless her sweet little forgetful heart!) But I kind-of get a pass, don’t I, since I blogged a day early last week, getting ready for Sister’s Trip 2011?

First things first: NOTHING happened to middle sister, Margee. We were looking for it, waiting for it, but nothing. Nada. Zip. Damn! Maybe her curse is broken. (I hope not. I mean, this is what great blog posts are made of!)

Our resort was nice, but not one of our favorites. They had this stupid “one towel” rule which really pissed us off! And I couldn’t find any refried beans ANYWHERE. Really? I’m in MEXICO people! But the beach was beautiful and we met some really great folks there and ate WAY too much. All in all, it was a FABULOUSLY WONDERFUL vacation!!!

See for yourselves:

 

      (I’m 3 of 3, in case you couldn’t tell!)

                            

Yep, already counting down the days until the next trip!

Karen

Monday Madness

Oh Monday, you are true to form today. You are requiring inordinate amounts of coffee. Feels like a three shot espresso sort of day. My hair is bigger than I've ever seen it in all my years. And let me tell you, I've seen it pretty big. I feel like I'm nearly a match for David Crowder (that would be the artist in the photo to the left) this morning. And that dude has hair. When my precious Z1 came downstairs (with hair even bigger than mine, mind you), she looked at me, flopped her head face down on the table and whined,"I'm tired and I don't want to go to school." It took everything within me not to say,"I know honey. Why don't I call in to work and we can get back in bed and watch 'Pride and Predjudice' all day?" But since I have a hair therapy appointment today, I didn't want to have to cancel that. It's the only thing that will keep me looking presentable for the next six weeks. And with Easter coming up on Sunday, I remind myself that pictures last FOREVER and are generally brought to everyone's attention at a most inconvenient moment when it is your sibling who is producing said evidence of horrid hair days.

Oh Monday, lend a girl a hand and produce my shopping list for me, help me focus and get all my Easter prep done, and if you could help me sell some books, that would be fabulous too. It's a tall order, but not to tall for you, Monday!

Yours, wishing you a productive Monday,

Melissa

Friday Funny- How Puppies Are Like Babies

Since Lola has come to be with us, I'm really seeing how puppies are like new babies. If you are considering getting a puppy or having a baby, here are some things you might want to know:

10.) When they are ready to play, you won't be. And vice versa.

9.) You can play and look and shop for the most PERFECT thing for them, spend an inordinate amount of money on the item, and they will still want to play with the cardboard box. And yes, they will both want to chew it.

8.) Everything goes in the mouth.

7.) There is a lot of poop to deal with. On many different levels.

6.) Just when you think you've got it down, a growth spurt comes along and ruins the entire routine.

5.) Accidents will happen. And it will never be at a convenient moment.

4.) Their cuteness will keep you from inflicting punishment.

3.) You will definitely ask yourself," What the HECK was I thinking? How did I get myself into this???!?!?"

2.) They are always hungry. Always thirsty. Always needing attention. Especially when you would prefer to be sleeping.

1.) The purity of the love and affection they give will melt away the aggravation found in items 2-10. When you see the happiness, know the match is right, feel the happiness, take part in the happiness, you'll know you made the right decision.

Yours, repeating #1 to myself daily, as well as #4,

Melissa

RAIN? SUN? SNOW? OH, WHATEVER!

Yep, I’m writing today because tomorrow at this time I’ll be on a plane for SISTER’S TRIP 2011! (Am I excited? Maybe just a little!) But I’m not going to post about the trip today, because I’m sure I’ll have a bunch to tell you when I get back.

Today, I need to propose this question to you: How can 4 weather websites have 4 different forecasts? (Okay, maybe this is about the trip a little, but it really goes beyond that.) With all of the technology these days, shouldn’t it be fairly easy to predict the weather? Yes, I understand that weather patterns change, and Mother Nature can surprise us all, but up until 2 days ago, we weren’t even sure if we were going to Mexico because the forecast kept changing. Rain on 3 days, then 2 then 3 then 1, and so on. Now, sunny all days. (Whew!)

But here’s the thing. If they are going to be wrong, shouldn’t they ALL be consistently wrong? I mean, shouldn’t ALL the meteorologists be seeing the SAME things on the SAME computers? We were watching FOUR different websites and they were all saying VERY DIFFERENT things. I just don’t get it. Are there any meteorologists out there who can help me out with this?

Okay, I’m done with my rantings! All I know now is that I need to finish packing, get my spray tan (so I don’t blind the others folks on the beach) and get on that plane at 6:00 tomorrow morning! Then it’s just me, my sista’s and a Bahama Mama in my hand. Adios!!!

Karen

Monday Madness- It's ALL Tabitha's Fault

I've been promising that I would tell the story of how Lola came to be with the B Family. The time has come.

We had been having a conversation concerning dog ownership for quite some time. I've never owned an indoor pet. Not a huge fan. Didn't have an indoor dog until I was married and that is only because he was my husband's dog. (The story of my house and dog sitting while we were dating.... I will definitely have to revisit that one...). What can I say? I'm just not a fan of indoor pets. Even our fish, Romeo and Juliet, tend to annoy me. I enjoy my space. I've always said that if I needed another living thing to care for, I would have another baby, and I can state with absolute certainty, THAT. IS. NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

My son, however, loooooooovvves dogs. For the last ten years, I have been kindly prying him off every single dog that has ever crossed his path. Our neighbors had a dog named Brittany. He played with that dog so much, that when she unexpectedly passed, they were distraught over how they would break the news to my son. He was pretty sad. Not just for a moment, but for days. Then, about 8 weeks later, Tabitha (my neighbor) decided they needed to get a new dog. Meanwhile, I had been looking at dogs on the web, and had decided I wanted a medium sized dog, that did not shed, that was short-haired and most importantly, obedient and NOT YAPPY. So, Tabitha gets on the web and finds a puppy that she falls in love with and brings her home. Her children raced over to share the good news. I don't believe I saw my own Z-kids for the next week with the exception of mealtime. On Wednesday I called her and said,"Fine. I get it. My kids need a dog." I had been watching my son carry that puppy everywhere he went. If her own children were ever going to get any time with their puppy, I was going to need to intervene.

Tabitha laughed at my statement and said,"You know, there are more in the litter." "I know," I replied, " But I'm not sure about it. Oh, what the heck. Give me the woman's number and I'll call and JUST check it out."

Fast forward to Friday. I had been trading messages with the woman who had the puppies. Tabitha decided to bring her puppy over for a visit. (She knew EXACTLY what she was doing.) Once I took that puppy in my arms and she licked my face, and breathed her sweet, stinky puppy breath in my face, I was in puppy love. (Yes, I'm a sucker!)

I am now the owner of a dog that will grow to be about 100 pounds, as well as be a long-haired shedding machine. She still has accidents, and I've spent more money in the last few weeks just getting her settled and we haven't even hit the vet yet!

But the kids are over the moon about her. They laugh and giggle and play. They actually feed her, walk her and take responsibility for her. Had I known they would react this way, I would have done it sooner. (Maybe. I dunno). It's work, but seeing the smiles on my Little Zs faces, I don't regret it. Yet. :)

Yours, getting ready to take my Z3 on a walk,

Melissa

Friday Funny- Because That's The Kind of Mom I Am

I had just set down her dinner plate in front of her. Ever ready to eat, I knew as soon as I turned away she would dig in. I walked out for just a second and walked back into the kitchen.

"Did you remember to pray before you started eating, Z2?"

I already knew the answer. My little Z2, always wanting to please, has developed a habit of fibbing. So it really didn't matter if she had actually prayed or not, I was going to be told a resounding yes.

"Yep!" she replied happily, munching away on her taco.

Mmmhmmm.... Something stinks in the B Kitchen....

"You know what happens if you lie about praying, don't you, Z2?"

"No. What?" she asked, eyes and mouth frozen in suspense.

"All of your hair falls out," I deadpanned.

"I prayed, Mom, I did!" she said, a little too anxiously.

"Okay," I said calmly. "I guess we'll see if you were telling the truth in the morning when you wake up with or without all your hair..."

"Okay! Okay! Okay!!!!! I didn't! I didn't! I'll do it right now!!!!"

Yep. That's what I thought. And yes, that's the kind of mom I am. Not afraid to play my cards just right. Sometimes, you have to shake it up and keep them on their toes to let them know who's running the show.

Yours, wishing you a WONDERFUL weekend,

Melissa

7 MORE DAYS…

Yes, it’s one more week until SISTER’S TRIP 2011!!! For those of you who have been reading our blog for a while, you know that every year, my 2 sisters and I go to Mexico for an annual vacation in the spring. We leave everyone and everything at home. This includes husbands, kids, makeup, worries, exercise clothes and diets.

For anyone who has ever taken a girl’s vacation, you understand, don’t you? This is, by far, the MOST relaxing time of the year for us. Some of you are saying, Hey, didn’t you just come back from Florida with your family? Yes, yes I did. And while that was FAMILY relaxing, it’s not GIRLFRIEND relaxing. (Believe me, if you don’t know the difference, you NEED to take a girlfriend vacation. Now!)

Of course, the one thing that we are anxiously looking forward to finding out, is what’s going to happen to our middle sister, Margee. Something ALWAYS happens to her, as described in this blog post. (Okay, she may not be so anxious to find this out, but Mindy and I are!)

So, dear readers, next week at this time, I’ll be on my way to Mexico with my very best friends, my sisters! Aren’t I lucky? Yeah, I’m pretty lucky that we’re going to Mexico, too!

Karen

Monday Madness- Am I in the Lou or Seattle?

The weather this winter and Spring has been schizophrenic to say the least. Yesterday we reached 90 degrees. This morning we woke to torrential rains. By torrential I mean that my back patio was flooded and there was a river at the bottom of the hill. I counted at least two showers of hail. Hail always makes me grateful that I have a garage in which I can park my car.

And to think a week ago at this time we were dealing with another 6 inches of snow. 90 degrees yesterday and we will drop to about 48 today. And all this with a new puppy. I know I still have to tell you how Lola came to be with our family, and I will get there, but today's most pressing question is:

How does one convince a dog to go outside to go pee in the pouring rain?

I'm serious. I really need to know. Because I was not very successful this morning. My success rate improved after she ate and I carried her outside to do her duty. She really had no choice.

I wish I would have known how much this was going to be like having a new baby.... Wouldn't trade it but WOW it's a LOT of work!

Time for another cup of coffee!

Yours, off in my Monday Morning Rush,

Melissa

Saturday Sassafrass.

I know. I'm a day late in blogging. But then, how would I be able to call it Saturday Sassafrass? All good things come to those who wait, right? Speaking of waiting...

I have a new facial product that I'm in love with. Seriously in love with. It's an eye-roller/depuffer serum. As I've gone along, I've noticed that my face is getting thinner and morning seems to show anything from the evening before. Remember when you could stay up all night and still look as fresh as a daisy? Those days are behind me. They left when I stayed up all night for months at a time with newborns. I don't regret it. Not one bit. But I would certainly like to retain my fresh face from the years before. But I digress...

So this serum is wonderful. If I've had wine or dessert the night before, my eyes get a little puffy (I'm sugar sensitive. Ugh.). I use this eye roller serum and within a minute I look completely different. It's amazing.

What I'm wondering is, when do they come out with that serum for other parts of my body?

Yours, waiting, patiently,

Melissa