Friday, December 4, 2009

Friday Funny: The Toilet Flapper and the Damsel in Distress

Dear Readers,

Please welcome guest blogger, Ru Brea. Enjoy!
I have to of my toilets has not been working for over a week. You know the thingy which is connected to the other thingy, that moves when you push the handle down? Yeah that...well it broke. I have been feeling quite defeated and hugely inconvenienced by actually having to climb the steps to go to the bathroom. I also feel it has been quite unjust for me to have to be the one to dive into the back of the toilet (which although I logically know has clean water - still makes me feel like I'm putting my hand in pee) every time one of my children forgot it was broken - which has be A LOT! Anyway, I got back from work tonight and thought "Darn it...I'm going to conquer this thing" "It will be fixed" I declared in my slightly overzealous heart. I proceeded to try remove all the knick knacks and patty whacks that have accumulated on the shelf I have behind the toilet. The first sign of things to come was my inability to lift and remove this shelf from behind the toilet. Not to worry...I plunged on anyway...determined. So I had to do most of my attempting to remove - some part of the thingy- without,fun....My reasoning was I needed the part to take to one of my favorite places - Home Depot - to give proof of what I needed. I'm done with going there and giving vague information to the "specialists" there. They always ask for sizes and dimensions, and weights, and everything I have NO idea about. Anyway...I was not successful in removing any part of the thingy or the thingy it was attached to. 7:32pm arrived. I jumped in my car...determined "This toilet will flush tonight!" and off I went.

Now, I also have to confess that I have changed my approach to going to Home Depot. When I used to go there and immediately find a salesperson (which would take FOREVER) and I would proceed to pour out my complaints, confusions, and requests for assistance. Upon the completion of my dissertation in ineptitude, the salesperson would always ask me aforementioned questions which would leave me further confused...and without the part I needed. They would always leave me with an assigment "You need to gome home and......then......after......if......and come back" Well, after a few frustrations and near cursings...I have given up on that approach. I now use the "Damsel in Distress" approach (a.k.a the D.I.D. approach)...and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Yup, I DID it! I go into the aisle which I think holds the part I need. I then look around for or wait to see a guy in jeans- now..if the jeans are clean...I don't even bother with the Damsel in Distress approach. He's probably just as lost and confused as I am - but will pretend to know what he's doing. Anyway, when a guy who looks like he hasn't slept well in 3 years, who's wearing paint smattered or better yet smeared jeans, some type of work boots, and who has hands that look like the helped drag the blocks for one of the pyramids in Eygpt shows up I begin my appoach. First, you wait until he is near by...close but not TOO don't want to be obvious. You then randomly pick up and look at several varities of the same thing...if you can...turn them in funny directions making it obvious you have no clue what you are the perfect moment (this takes time to develop - be patient) just as he begins to turn his head to look at the nutcase playing with the _______ heave a heavy and heartfelt sigh. One slight modification I have had to make is due to my height. If said gentleman is significantly shorter than me I slouch...this then becomes the Discouraged Damsel in Distress (a.k.a. the D.D.I.D) approach which is equally effective. Anyway, after the sigh and his "Can I help you ma'am (I love the ma'am part but would much rather hear "miss"...yeah I know, the years for being called miss have floated downstream)- turn and use the best wide eyed, dear in the headlights, woe is me expression you can muster. Now, be careful, if he suspects you are acting he is likely to back of never pays to over do! Anyway, that usually leads to advice that really helps.. along with the actual part you need.

Unfortunately, I was unable to use my approach tonight...there were just store "specialists" around. So I had to do the unimaginable...figure it out on my own. What does that mean for me? I GUESSED! I wondered down the toilet aisle, came back and picked up something that said "universal" on it...and off I went. Now I also have to confess that tears came to my eyes in the aisle - but...I did not let them fall...."I AM WOMAN HEAR ME...FLUSH! I left and came back to the house...entered the bathroom and began the instructions. I am so glad that they included "Turn off the water first" I wouldn't have thought of that...haha...anyway after a brief 5 minutes ...drum roll please...I got the toilet to flush..! TADA!!! No Damsel in Distress approach required. Yippeee!

What does this mean for the future? Hopefully, I will be less traumatized by things needing repair in my home. I have to be honest though....I'm not throwing out the DID approach...I just works too well.....Yeah I'm weak...but at least I'm honest! LOL


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