LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!

Today’s blog post is going to be a bit of a digression from what I usually write.  It’s not funny.  It’s not about our upcoming book.  It’s not about caregiving.  It’s about a personal experience that I’m hoping you can learn from.

I mentioned in a recent post that I recently had surgery.  My lesson to you today is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and make your doctor listen to YOU.  I knew something was wrong after surgery but my doctor said everything was fine.  The specifics aren’t important, but what is important is that after a week of getting worse, I finally convinced him that what I was saying needed to be checked out.  And guess what?  I was right.  And it was life threatening.

I was admitted to the hospital immediately and everything is fine now, thank goodness.  I shudder to think what could have happened if I had not pursued this.

YOU KNOW YOUR BODY BETTER THAN ANYONE.

DO NOT BE SHY!  INSIST ON TESTS IF YOU FEEL THERE IS A PROBLEM.  If your doctor won’t listen to you, find another doctor.

That’s my lesson for the day.  I promise to be more funny on Wednesday!

Karen

THIS IS WHY HE DOESN’T GO GROCERY SHOPPING…

I recently had surgery.  Nothing major, but enough to keep me down for a couple of weeks (thanks, Melissa for picking up the blogging slack!).  One of the areas that my husband needed to take over was the grocery shopping.

Let me just sidetrack here and say, not only do I not EVER send him to the grocery store, but I don’t even let him come with me. It’s worse than having the kids with me.  Really.  Because I can’t really say “no” to him when he puts something in the basket like I can to the kids!

So he comes home from his little excursion, with this HUGE smile on his face, SO proud of himself, and all I can think is “Uh oh!”

“I spent $200” he tells me.  “Um, on what, honey?”  “All sorts of really great stuff!”  I start looking in the bags.  I see frozen pizzas, boxes of sugar cereals, bags of miniature donuts, Bagel Bites, more pizzas, UGH!

Then he tells me, “And then I see ALL THESE FOODS that all you have to do is take them out of the freezer and put them in the microwave and you have dinner.  WOW!  Look at this lasagna I got!”  I don’t even try to explain to him the nutritional content of prepared foods, I just let him ride his high for a while!

So a few days later, one of my neighbors was nice enough to go back to the grocery store and get me some milk, fruit, veggies, you know, the staples that should have been included in that $200 my husband spent.

I let him think he did a great job before I burst his bubble, but he’s still not convinced that the lasagna wasn’t a great find.  And it was pretty good!

Karen

HAPPY LABOR DAY!!!

As we all labor away at whatever we do in life, whether it be outside the home in an office or inside the home as a caregiver, or just struggling to take care of ourselves the best as we can, take pause for a few moments today to say thanks.

THANKS to all those who have labored before us to make our country as wonderful as it is today.

THANKS to all those who continue to labor today to keep our country running smoothly, from the factory worker to the CEO to (gasp, yes) even the politicians, who are all (hopefully) doing the best job they can, given the resources they are provided.

THANKS to those inside our own home.  When the kids pick up that extra toy, or DH puts away that load from the dishwasher, who knows?  Maybe we’ll be inspired to clean out that closet today.  OR NOT!!!  Just sit back and enjoy!

Have a great holiday weekend!

Karen

IT’S ALL MAKING SENSE TO ME NOW.

So you know that Melissa and I have been working on The Caregiver Organizer For My Aging Parent book, due out any day now (yes, we’re getting closer, but yes, summer set us back a  bit!).  To be honest, this book has been a bit tougher for us because when we wrote our For My Child book, we could draw from personal experience, but neither of us, thankfully, has had to be a caregiver for a parent yet.

However, with the passing of my friend’s step mother this summer, I find myself somewhat in this role since my friend is 1000 miles away and I have always been considered part of the family anyway.  Her father needs somebody now, and I am more than willing and able to be there for him.

So without writing too many details, which I’m sure will be more to come in the coming months, I just want to tip my virtual hat to every caregiver out there, but especially those of you in the “sandwich” generation.  Taking care of your own family, plus taking care of your parents, or any aging family member, is a tougher role than I ever could have imagined.  I’m already exhausted, not to mention overwhelmed, looking at the tasks ahead, the guilt of knowing that I probably won’t do those tasks well enough, and the knowledge that I don’t even have the knowledge that I need.

This, my dear friends, is why we are writing this book.  Not to give you any advice, because obviously we are in no position to do so, but to help you organize information about your loved one so that you don’t have to do it all.  You can’t be there 24/7 for him or her, so when you need to have another caregiver there, all of your parent’s information will be organized in a manual, ready to go.

I’m extra motivated now to get this book finished, and we’ll let you know as soon as it’s ready to go.

So hang in there, Fellow Caregivers.  Help is on its way!

Karen

IS IT SPAM OR JUST JUNK MAIL?

Is there really a difference?  Because I have 2 different folders in my Microsoft Outlook.  One for Spam and one for Junk Mail.  Really?  What seems to be the difference between the two?

Just for fun, let’s look at some of the kinds of spam (or junk mail, whatever) that I get:

1. Anything to do with male genitalia or sex drive.  I don’t need to make it larger and and I don’t need to keep it up longer.  If they had any sort of filters on their mass emailing program, they would see that Karen is strictly a woman’s name.  Maybe they could send me something saying, “Does your man need … ?”  But no, they send the same email to everyone, assuming we are all men.
2. AARP.  I know I am approaching THAT AGE, but I still have several years to go, so LEAVE ME ALONE!!!  Enough said.
3. There is a free laptop on it’s way.  Wow, great!  Oh, wait, you’re going to need my address?  Cuz I thought you said it was already on its way.  Oh, and you need all sorts of other information, like my banking info, and maybe even my Social Security Number.  Hmmm, maybe I’ll just buy my own Dell computer.
4. Get your credit scores.  Wow, thanks for reminding me.  Every day.  But you know what?  I know who the three credit bureaus are, and I’m pretty sure I can go to them directly and get my scores myself without your help.  Hey, but thanks anyway.
5. You’re from another country and you have a great business deal for me?  Oh, golly, if only I hadn’t been warned about this one over and over again.  Or if only I had been born yesterday, I might have taken you up on it.  Darn the luck!
6. You have money available to me for a loan?  Wow, really?  I’m in luck, because instead of going to a reputable bank down the street, I’d much rather go to somebody who is soliciting me over the internet to give them personal information in the hopes of getting a loan.  Woo hoo!

There are so, so many more, but these are just a few of my favorites.  What are yours?

Karen

BACK TO REALITY

So Melissa and I have each returned from our family vacations.  She from Hilton Head, me from Boca Raton, Florida.  The bags are unpacked, the laundry is done (mostly), and things are returning to normal once again.  Darn!

So just to extend my vacation feelings for a little longer, I’m not really going to write much today.  I’m just going to post some pics of the past week.  Hope you don’t mind!

 

Karen

HELP! I LOST MY CHILD!

Have you ever heard a parent yelling those words?  Or worse yet, been the one panicking because you couldn’t find your child?  Even if it was only for a few seconds, there is no worse feeling than thinking you lost your child in an overcrowded place, such as an amusement park.

We lost Eric once at Disney World, and I thought my heart would just jump right out of my chest it was beating so hard.  Luckily we were on an attraction that was an island, so I knew he couldn’t go too far on his own, but visions of him being abducted were playing havoc on my brain.  We found him about 15 minutes later, thank goodness, playing innocently by himself, unaware that we were panicking.  Those 15 minutes were unforgettable.

Here are some tips to help you keep track of your children, or find them quickly if they become separated:

1. Make sure they know your real name.  Sounds silly, right?  But how many toddlers know that their mom’s name is Mary Smith and not just Mommy?
2. Teach them your cell phone number, but always put it on them someplace.  Put it in their pocket, on a dog tag around their neck, or even written on their arm with a permanent marker.  If they are upset that they are lost, they might become confused and forget the number.  Write it down.
3. Dress them in bright clothing so you can easily pick them out of a crowd.  I do this even when we just go to the park at home.
4. Teach them who is safe to approach.  Security or employees aren’t always around, so I tell them to find another mommy.  Do what makes you feel comfortable.
5. Carry their Child Identification Information with you.  In The Caregiver Organizer For My Child, there is a place to enter all their indentifying information, including fingerprints and a photo.  You should keep this with you, especially when on vacation.  Hopefully you’ll never, ever need it, but if you do, it’s ready to give to the authorities.
6. Lastly, when you find your child, don’t be angry at them.  Make the reunion a happy time so they don’t feel like they did something wrong.  She’s already scared at this point, so don’t make it worse.  Later, when everyone calms down, talk about it, and discuss what could have been done differently.

Hopefully you’ll never go through what we experienced in Disney World with Eric, but if you do, please be more prepared than we were.  I know we will be if there’s a next time!

Karen

WHY IS THE SKY BLUE? SERIOUSLY?

My kids have started asking me questions that are making me feel really stupid lately.  Yes, like “Why is the sky blue?”  My answer to that was “Seriously?  Are you really asking me that question?”  Okay, so maybe that was my way of avoiding having to come up with a real answer, but don’t most kids ask things like that when they’re 3 or 4?  My kids are 9.

Here’s another one:  “Where do tape worms live?”  Answer:  “Um, in people’s bodies.”  “But where do they live before they get in your body?  And how do they get in there?”  Breathe, breathe…  “So what did you do at camp today, honey?”

And then there are the “What if…?” questions.  These are really fun because there are no real answers to them!  For example, “What if someone built a house that was a mile long and 9 stories high?”  “Well, they’d have a really, really big house.”  (I mean, how else would you answer this question?)  Or “What if that pole (one of those cell towers disguised as a flag pole) fell down?”  “I suppose we could hope that it wouldn’t fall on anyone and hurt people.”  “Oh, that would be so cool, Mom!”  Yes, of course, I just made that scenario even more awesome for them because it could possibly involve blood!

When I was a kid and I asked my parents a question they couldn’t answer, they told me to look it up in the encyclopedia (the real set of books).  Now, I have started telling my kids to Google it, or look it up on Wikipedia.  Same thing, and even more updated.  Either way, we tell them this to give our kids the impression that we want them to learn it on their own, but really, we just don’t want them to know how little we know, right?  Right?

Karen

GUEST BLOGGER – VANESSA VAN PETTEN

5 Tips For Being An Awesome Babysitter

By Vanessa Van Petten, author and creator of RadicalParenting.com, a parenting blog written by kids.  She also is the founder of the Radical Parenting Babysitter Certification course.

Babysitting can be an awesome way to make extra money or even as a full time career if you love working with kids and families.  Whether you are babysitting or you are a parent wanting to give your new babysitter some tips, here are some of our favorite pieces of advice for being an awesome babysitter:

1. Have a stock of babysitter games
You never know when you are going to be in a house with no TV, while it's raining outside and a shortage of snacks.  Always have a notebook full of games you can play anywhere.  This can be word games for older kids, coloring games for younger kids or get-to-know-you icebreakers for those awkward first moments.

2. Be prepared
Make sure you know the family's basic emergency numbers, the number for poison control and a back-up adult you can call.  You never know when you might need a little extra help and it is better to be safe than sorry!

3. Know how to make fun snacks and basic kid recipes
I cannot tell you how many times I went over to a family's house and the mom wanted me to whip up Mac and Cheese, pasta or rice and veggies.  Make sure to watch some videos on boiling pasta, cooking rice and heating up certain foods. Hungry kids mean irritable kids!

4. Consider getting a babysitter certification!
A babysitter certification is a course for babysitters. Ours is four parts and we cover hundreds of topics that babysitters deal with on the job and provide answers, activities and programs for them. (See full list of lessons below). In the course babysitters go through a workbook, textbook and complete homework lessons before taking the final exam.

Once certified, you can use our programs, recommendations and referrals to build their business. Many parents have also signed their babysitters up for the program as a refresher on ideas, safety tips and activities for their kids.

5. Practice
Offer to babysit neighbors or cousins for free until you get less nervous about being alone and feel like you can handle all kinds of situations.
We hope these tips have helped! Be sure to check out our Babysitter certification course, we also offer a bunch of free tips!
--
Vanessa Van Petten
Author: "You're Grounded!"
http://RadicalParenting.com
Twitter: @vvanpetten
Subscribe to our newsletter via email:
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Check out my next book: Parenting Is Flat
http://www.radicalparenting.com/parenting-is-flat/

Babysitter Dilemma: The Kids Like Her Too???

 

We are thrilled that RadicalParenting.Com is featuring this article from us on their website today.  This is an awesome site, so please take a few minutes to visit them, browse around a bit and read Melissa’s article!

You know what you want in a sitter: on time, dependable, reasonable
rates, can take care of the kids without calling you fifty times. But
what about the kids? What do they want?

Right away, you’re thinking, ”They want someone who will let them
get away with everything!” True, most kids would love that. But
allowing the kids to have anything they want can be a high price to
pay just for a night out. Or worse yet, what if this is the sitter you use
on a daily or weekly basis?

So how do you find the middle ground?

For the rest of this article, CLICK HERE!

QUALITY FAMILY TIME…REVISED!

Saturday night, my family and I went out to dinner, like we always do,  and after dinner stopped for ice-cream, like we usually do (I get to have one bite from everyone’s!) then went back home to sit around the pool and eat our ice-cream.  It was a lovely evening, just sitting together, enjoying each other’s company and spending quality time with one another.

That is, until I took a look around at each of us and realized… HEY!!!   WE’RE NOT TOGETHER AT ALL!!!  Each of us was sitting with our own hand-held electronic, totally absorbed in whatever little screen we were staring at.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  And I was JUST AS GUILTY!!!  (I HATE when that happens, and I can’t just blame it on DH!)

My husband was playing with his new phone, doing who-knows-what, Eric was playing a game on the PSP, Adam was playing something on my IPod, and I was checking email and Facebook on my phone.  WHAT in the world happened to our family evening?  How did it turn into THAT?  Heck, even watching TV together beats that!  At least we’re staring at the SAME screen when we watch TV or a movie!

Yeah, you can bet I’ll be making up for that one for a while!

Karen

MAKING TIME FOR “US”

Every so often, I’m asked to write a guest post for somebody else’s blog. One of my favorite topics to write about, because of course I always tie it back to my book, is how parents need to take care of themselves and their relationship with each other, and how The Caregiver Organizer can help relieve “babysitter” stress when going out for a romantic evening together. And I firmly believe that we need time with our spouses, without kids, to keep that relationship strong.

So, do I practice what I preach? Of course not! Lucky for me, I have a pretty solid relationship with my hubby, but we definitely don’t spend enough time together, alone. Saturday night, we actually had a date night. Nothing special, just a nice dinner out (yes, I totally blew my Weight Watchers points and yes, it was totally worth it!). But you know what? It was special! We haven’t been out without the kids since December. Terrible, I know!

Even worse, the boys are 9, and we’ve never, and I mean NEVER, been on vacation without them since they’ve been born. So this November we’ll be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in Grand Cayman, which is where we got married. NO KIDS! I’ve been warning my sister for a year already that she has to take care of them while we’re gone, and she’s up for the challenge! (She may never speak to me again after we return, but I’ll cross that bridge later!)

So my advice to you, and to myself, is to please, please, please take more time for yourself (hard to do during the summer months, I know) and make more time for your relationship with your spouse. Even after just one night out, I feel a bit more connected again, and I didn’t even know that was missing. So I can only imagine what once or (dare I dream?) twice a month could do for us! Something to think about!

Karen

I WISH I WAS A DOG!

Sometimes I wish I was a dog. No really, hear me out on this one! In fact, I’ll list my reasons:

1. It takes VERY little to make a dog happy. I mean VERY, VERY little!
2. Their memory last about 3 seconds, so even if they are upset or embarrassed about something, **poof** it’s gone almost immediately.
3. Daily schedule: eat, sleep, play, sleep, repeat.
4. Out of water? No problem, just drink from the toilet. (Although I will admit my dog won’t do this. My prissy cat, on the other hand, has no problem with it. Go figure!)
5. Sniffing somebody’s butt is totally acceptable.
6. Riding in the car is the Best. Time. Ever. And it doesn’t even matter if we’re going to the vet, as long as he gets to hang his head out the window with his ears and tongue flapping in the wind. (Yet, blow in his face and he gets crazy mad at you!)
7. They never have to worry about looking fat. In fact, they never worry about anything. Or get stressed about anything. Or feel guilty about anything. You get where I’m going with this!
8. No family issues to deal with. You never hear a dog whine about their mom abandoning them when they were a little pup, ‘cuz that happens to all of them!
9. When they lose their hair, it grows back.
10. It’s okay if you’re not the smartest or the best at something or in a great mood, they will love you unconditionally, and therefore get love back. So doesn’t that make them a bit smarter than all of us?

Karen

SUMMER ORGANIZING!!!

Yes, I typically like to be more original when writing a blog post, but this article, by HousekeepingChannel.com is so awesome, I had to share it with you. So click on the picture below and read these 10 great summer organizing tips!

So now, get organized!!!

Karen

WHO'S MAKING THE DECISIONS?

This blog post is a bit of a departure from my usual snarky self, but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a little while. You know that Melissa and I are working on our book “For My Aging Parent” dealing with organizing information when hiring a caregiver for an older adult.

A few days ago, I had a conversation about this new book with an old (but newly connected) friend who watched her father-in-law deteriorate, and eventually pass away, from Parkinson’s. She told me that one of the most profound lessons she learned was how important it was to let him make his own decisions, no matter how she, or anyone else, felt about them.

As we discussed this, I brought up examples like, “but what if those decisions will shorten his life or add to his pain or reduce his quality of life?” And she just countered with, “but aren’t those his decisions to make?”

So what do you think, readers? If your smoker Mom is dying of lung cancer but won’t give up smoking, isn’t it her right to make that decision? If Dad has lived a full and happy life and just can’t fight the fight anymore, who among us can tell him to keep fighting for that life? Or what if he hasn’t had a full, happy life? What if his life has been full of misery and hardships, and he just doesn’t want to prolong it anymore, who are we to tell him he must? Maybe accepting death is the right thing for some folks, and by giving them our blessing, it would make it easier on them, instead of covering them in a blanket of guilt.

When my dad was getting worse, and we knew that depression was setting in, it seemed that all he wanted to do was sit in his chair and watch TV. After having had such an active life, it was painful for my sisters and I to watch this, so we tried to come up with activities for him, such as volunteer work. We’d get so aggravated, though, because he just wasn’t interested. To us, it looked like he was just sitting there, waiting to die. You know what? Maybe he was. And in retrospect, if that’s what he wanted to do, we should have respected that and maybe just gone to sit with him more often.

We all do what we do out of love. We don’t want to see our loved ones die, so we do what we can to keep them alive. So as my title asks, who’s making the decisions? Us… or them?

Karen

JEN LANCASTER'S BOOK SIGNING

You've heard me talk about Jen Lancaster before, and even review her books, Bitter Is The New Black, among others. But the other night, I had the pleasure of going to see her in person, not really sure what to expect. Would she live up to my expectations? Would she be as funny in person as she is in her books? By the end of the evening, would I still love, love, love her?

YES, YES YES!!!

This woman is SO. DAMN. FUNNY! I don't want to sound like a groupie (even though I totally am) but I want to be her BFF! First she read a chapter from her book, inserting even MORE footnotes (she writes with footnotes kind-of the way I put little notes in parentheses and NO, I didn't get it from her...probably) then she answered questions from the audience. All in all, she was up there for a bit more than an hour, which was way longer than any of us expected.

After that, of course she signed books for us. Since she FOLLOWS ME ON TWITTER, I had her sign mine: To Karen, my Twitter Pal! You know, since she FOLLOWS ME. (Can you tell I'm really excited about that?) She even took pictures with anyone who asked (see left!).

I can't really review her new book, My Fair Lazy, yet because I'm still reading it, but I can say that it's as funny as all of her others. Actually, the full title is My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is The New Black, Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto. Hmmmm!

So be sure to pick up her new book, or any of her other ones. If you want to get an idea of her writing style, take a look at her blog. Be aware that she cusses a lot, but it just adds to her charm! Jen Lancaster is one snarky lady!

Karen

AND THE SPRING “CLEANING” BEGINS

In my house, I don’t do Spring Cleaning so much. It’s more of Spring Organizing. If you know me at all, you know this fact: I DON’T CLEAN! Now don’t worry, I don’t make my family live in filth, I just hire out the cleaning part. No, it’s not like I’m rolling in the money, it’s just that I know where my priorities are, and having somebody else clean my house is definitely one of my top priorities. Even when I didn’t have 2 nickels to rub together, I still had a maid. (Woops, I mean housekeeper. Is that the more politically correct way of saying it?) Seriously, give me a toilet brush, and I’m going to wonder if I’m supposed to clean the oven with it! (I know, ewww, right?)

So while the housekeeper (I’ll say this because I know I’m supposed to, but even she calls herself the maid!) takes care of the Spring Cleaning, I’m doing my Spring Organizing. My first step is to eradicate all memories of winter. So even though we may still see some chilly nights, too bad. All winter clothes are put away and summer clothes are out. No more of having both seasons crammed into the closets and drawers. Bye bye sweaters, hello swimsuits!

That’s the most pressing project. After that, it’s just taking a look at things that need to be done. But to make sure I don’t get overwhelmed, I could go about this many different ways. The key here is to just don’t try to do it all at once. How do I do it? I start with what annoys me the most! This weekend it was my closet! Changing out the clothes was a great start, but it needed so much more than that. After the closet, I moved to the laundry room. (And hey, as long as I was working on the laundry room, why not do laundry? Who says I’m no good at multi tasking?)

Anyway, you get the idea. I had no illusions of getting the entire house organized in one day, even one weekend. I was darn proud of myself for doing as much as I did! So whether you’re Spring Cleaning or Spring Organizing, break it down into manageable projects and take them one at a time. You’ll see, soon the important ones will get done, and the others will follow eventually!

Karen

THE NANNY AGREEMENT

When you think of having a nanny, you don’t always think in terms of it being a business arrangement because it’s to personal to you. After all, she’s there to take care of your children, not your finances. But this must be treated like any other employer/employee relationship. When you start most jobs, you have to sign an employment agreement, right? So it’s no different here.

You’re thinking, “Really, Karen? A contract? C’mon now!” Believe me when I say that it’s as much for her as it is for you. Really, it’s about expectations. A nanny agreement isn’t just outlining pay and holidays and basic stuff like that, it’s putting down on paper EXACTLY what you two can expect from each other.

For example, if a package shows up at your door, can she sign for it? If she does, is she responsible for it? Is your nanny supposed to do any housework? What, specifically, does that include? (For instance, my nanny did my kids’ laundry, but there was no way I was going to have her fold my underwear. That was just too weird!) And when is she supposed so do this housework?

See what I mean? You may talk to her about such things, but it’s much, much better to have everything documented so that there are no surprises for either one of you. And it can really open up the lines of communication, bringing things up that neither one of you had even thought about, if the agreement is comprehensive enough.

For sample agreements, there are plenty on-line, or, of course, The Caregiver Organizer has one in it as well. But whatever you do, make sure the contract fits your needs, and have it checked over by your own attorney. (That’s my disclaimer for the day!)

Karen

BITS AND PIECES

I know, you’re waiting for an update on my Sister’s Trip. I’m just so tired right now, all I can say is it was great of course, but the weather didn’t exactly cooperate the entire time. More on Wednesday!

On the business front, our sale was a HUGE success on The Caregiver Organizer, but, sadly, it’s now over. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t still get our eBook or our first-run hardbound book. Just visit our website and see what they are all about.

On the personal side, did I really have to come home to a sink full of dishes? I should have NEVER made that comment (years ago, I might add) that he didn’t load the dishwasher right. He has since used that as an excuse to never do it again.

Have you ever used Skype? That’s how I called home from Mexico, as did one of my sisters. You know how there’s a big picture of the person you’re talking to, and a smaller one of what they are seeing of you? Why is it that the kids are WAY more interested in making faces into the camera and watching themselves than talking to me when they should be missing me? Find a friggin’ mirror when we stop talking!

Okay, I’m getting snarky. I think it’s time to take a nap!

Karen

YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED TO KNOW YOUR NANNY!

Last week I gave you some pointers on hiring your perfect nanny. But there are 2 points I need to expand on: Look into the future and know the people around her. Let me explain.

Our first nanny was the perfect person for infant twins. The typical “grandmotherly” type of woman, although she really wasn’t all that old. She just had that personality of calm and warmth and love. We couldn’t have been happier with her. But as the boys grew more mobile, we found out that she was having a bit of trouble keeping up with them. And when they were about 14 months old, we moved into a 2-story house, which is when she had to admit to us that her knees just couldn’t take it. Running after them on one level was difficult enough, but two levels would be murder for her. She had to leave us.

So hiring somebody who may be perfect for one stage of your child’s life may be great for the moment, but you need to look beyond that. Try to find somebody who can grow with your child and be perfect for all those wonderful stages.

My next piece of advice is more difficult to do, but necessary. It’s not only important to know the person you are hiring, but also her family and friends. Obviously you can’t run background checks on everyone (although it would be great if you could!), but you should ask her questions about the people closest to her.

Here is a true story to illustrate why this is important. My third nanny, whom I’ll call Jane, had a male roommate. No big deal, he was just a friend (actually he was gay, so I really didn’t have a problem with it!). Because St. Louis can be a really small big city sometimes, I found out that he wore an ankle bracelet because he was on house arrest for something, but Jane didn’t know what. My mistake was not pushing her to find out, because when I finally did find out (through my own means), it turned out it was for inappropriate conduct with a minor. I FREAKED!!!

I immediately called the agency who helped me hire her to ask their advice. Here was my dilemma: I loved her as a nanny, but she showed extremely poor judgment in sharing an apartment with this individual without knowing all the facts. On their advice, I drafted a contract requiring her, among other things, to leave my house key with me every night (there was NO way I was letting her bring that to where he could get it) and she could not discuss my family or my children with him under any circumstances.

When I presented this to her the next day and told her what I had found out, she was (I was glad to see) horrified. She signed the contract, and to my delight, moved out into her own apartment that following weekend.

Now, I’m not naive enough to think we can know everyone in our nanny’s life, but a little knowledge can go a long way. You are inviting her to be in your home, so it’s okay to pry a little, be a little nosy, and ask a few questions about her surroundings. It’s your right and it’s your duty. And frankly, if she has a problem with it, maybe she has something to hide. I’m just saying…

Karen