REMEMBERING ON MEMORIAL DAY

My family is celebrating Memorial Day today, just as I'm sure yours is, but I wanted to take a moment to wish you all a very happy holiday weekend and to share some photos with you. Yesterday, my boys and I had the privilege of joining thousands of other scouts in the St. Louis area, putting American flags on the grave sites of fallen soldiers in the Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery. It was an amazing experience, albeit hot and muggy, but one I'm sure we'll repeat year after year.

Karen

Friday Funny- She's Gonna Kill Me!

This past weekend I was reminded of one of my favorite childhood memories. I can't help but laugh (nearly out loud) every time I think about it.

I grew up going to a larger full gospel church in the city. Although it was a larger church, we had kind of a core group that became like family. All the kids hung out together and we shared a lot of meals together. There was one family that had eight children and the mom was very used to disciplining on a constant basis- so much so, that it really didn't matter if you were her child or not. If you were out of line, and within reach, you would be corrected by her. This was an age when this form of discipline was acceptable. It was more like being chastised by your aunt, and everyone was okay with that. And as one of the kids, you knew better than to get out of line within her reach. That was just part of the rules of the game.

We went to church on Sunday morning for more teaching and reading and Sunday evening was more for music/worship and prayer. About 50 adults would sing in the choir and I was constantly amazed at how just one look of stink eye could silence even the more rebellious teenagers in the back. It was a well known fact that if your mom or dad had to walk out of the choir pit and off the platform and into the area you were sitting, well, you were about to meet Jesus, and not through ANY form of prayer. On this particular Sunday-go-to-meeting night, we had a special musical guest. It was some band, I don't even remember the name. But they were stepping it up a notch and were laying down quite a groove in the church. Everyone was clappin' and singing and having a good time.

Little Jimmy, one of the youngest of the eight in that family, well, I just don't know what he was thinking. I mean, really, if your mother was 5'10'', big boned and had the reach of Stretch Armstrong,one would think that would be enough to quell most mischievous thoughts, let alone actions. The band is playing, and the sax player starts rippin' out fabulous this improv solo. It was along the style of Chuck Berry with a Johnny B. Good feel. Little Jimmy decided he was going to take things a step further and started dancing. Not completely uncommon in church, except that he decided to get in the middle aisle and start vigorously doing The Twist. Clearly, he was not being "moved by the Spirit", but just having himself a good time.

He didn't even have time to get "The Look". Without warning, Jimmy's mom was down from the choir pit and in one fell swoop snatched him up and began carrying him to the back of the church to the "Cry Room". While this room was used for babies and toddlers who were unsettled, we who had visited that room after our infancy knew there was an entirely different definition to "The Cry Room". Well, I don't know how Little Jimmy did it, but as his Momma was carrying him out, he managed to get out of her stronghold and he raced down the middle aisle, got to the front, dropped to his knees at the altar, threw his hands in the air and cried out:

"Pray for me preacher, 'cause she's gonna KILL me!"

Even the preacher couldn't hold it together. One by one, we gave way to sidesplitting laughter. The pastor, laughing the hardest, nearly fell out of his seat in the pulpit.

Yours, hoping you have a wonderful, fun Friday!

Melissa

Thursday Thoughts- Being Aware

Every day holds SO much activity and social encounters. Get the kids ready. Pack their lunches. What am I wearing? What does my day look like? How is my Dad's sinus infection? Gotta go to the grocery and stop by Wal-mart to pick up that thing that Z2 needs for school tomorrow. And WHY is that child crying and would their mother PLEASE step in and do something NOW! Oh my word, if the person in front of me doesn't move a little faster I think I'm going to SCREEEEEEAM! Really! Could these people learn how to drive??!?! Today??!?

That's a sampling of what sometimes goes through my head. It's so easy to make a snap judgement about people and think/sometimes say things that just don't need to be said. Last night, at the dinner table, I said to my son,"You know, love, some things that you think just don't need to be spoken. Learn that now as a child and you will have a much better adult life."

I need to take my own advice. I have to work to remind myself- that mom with the screaming child? Maybe her child is sick and they HAD to go out for more diapers and medicine. She really didn't want to, but maybe she's a single mom and had no one to cover for her.

That person in front of me that is moving slowly? Maybe that is as fast as they can walk. Just because I'm in a hurry doesn't mean they need to be. Better yet, maybe I SHOULD SLOW DOWN.

The car in front of me? Maybe it's a teenager learning to drive and they don't need the pressure of an experienced driver on their tail.

There's so many reasons that I don't think about. Can't see. Because I'm so concerned with me and my things. I was really struck by Celebrity Apprentice this season and Holly Robinson Peete's work to raise awareness for Autism. It's affecting so many children, and it's not something we can see. It's not like a limp or a physical deformity that is obvious to the eye. It's something that's on the inside of people that affects how they process and express themselves. Sometimes I don't stop to think that maybe, just maybe, that child or that person is doing the best that they can and I need to slow down, be aware, and give some space.

It's not all about me. I'd like to think it is, and some days I certainly act that way, but really, it isn't. And the quicker I learn that, the better off I'll be.

Yours, knowing I'm really NOT the center of the universe, even my own!,

Melissa

IT’S SUMMERTIME! NOW WHAT???

OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!! SUMMER’S HERE! NOW WHAT? It’s one thing to talk hypothetically about what to do over the summer, and about how nice it’s going to be to relax with the kids at the pool all summer, but now that it’s actually HERE, I’m going into a bit of a panic mode!

How will I schedule my exercise into my morning? (The kids HATE going to the gym with me. Not that I won’t make them go anyway, but of course I’ll have to hear the whining that goes along with it every day I drag their sorry butts there!) How will I work on the new book? (My laptop has one of those nice shiny screens that reflects everything, so when I take it outside, all I can see is ME, not what’s on the screen!) How will I keep my sanity? (There’s not enough Prozac in the world to help me with that one!)

Okay, deep breaths. You can do this, Karen. You’ve done it before, and you chose to be a WAHM, didn’t you?

So what’s different this year? Two things: First, we are SO CLOSE to finishing our new book, I hate to lose the momentum we have. But mostly, my boys, who have always gotten along so well, have suddenly become much more physical with each other. They don’t just argue, they do their best to inflict pain on one another now. Is it their age? (They turned 9 in February.) Do they spend too much time together? (If so, summer is certainly not going to help that situation.) If there are any moms of boys out there with some insight, lay it on me, because it’s driving me up a wall!

Okay, I think I’ve calmed down a bit. Wait, no I haven’t! OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!! SUMMER’S HERE!

Karen

Tuesday Tidbit- Easy Recipe for Tonight

It's Tuesday, and the the Tuesday before one of my very, very, very most favorite weekends of the year. While most people will be traveling over the Memorial Day Weekend, I will be holing up with about 25 other song writers at a retreat center writing my fingers to the bone and soaking up every single drop of creative goodness. It's my songwriting New Year. This weekend is completely sacred to me as a songwriter, but that's another blog post entirely.

So to keep things simple around here, I plan meals accordingly. Nothing too fancy this week, because I have a million other things to get done. Here is one recipe (found in the Kraft Cooking Magazine) that I have used that the kids LOVE and it's quick and easy. (Warning: probably NOT Weight Watcher friendly. Sorry, Karen). Here's what you need:

Chicken Italiano Skillet

2 chicken breast, cooked and diced

1 can diced tomatoes, with Italian seasonings, undrained

1 clove garlic

1 green pepper

1 cup of water

1 box Kraft Mac and Cheese dinner (Yeah, totally NOT WW friendly!)

Cook and dice the chicken. Put the chicken back in the skillet and add the green pepper (and onion, if you desire). Stir in the tomatoes, water and uncooked macaroni. (I also like to add fresh basil here). Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and cover. Simmer 10 minutes or until noodles are tender. Stir in the Cheese Sauce until blended.

EASY PEASY! Enjoy!

Melissa

WHO'S MAKING THE DECISIONS?

This blog post is a bit of a departure from my usual snarky self, but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a little while. You know that Melissa and I are working on our book “For My Aging Parent” dealing with organizing information when hiring a caregiver for an older adult.

A few days ago, I had a conversation about this new book with an old (but newly connected) friend who watched her father-in-law deteriorate, and eventually pass away, from Parkinson’s. She told me that one of the most profound lessons she learned was how important it was to let him make his own decisions, no matter how she, or anyone else, felt about them.

As we discussed this, I brought up examples like, “but what if those decisions will shorten his life or add to his pain or reduce his quality of life?” And she just countered with, “but aren’t those his decisions to make?”

So what do you think, readers? If your smoker Mom is dying of lung cancer but won’t give up smoking, isn’t it her right to make that decision? If Dad has lived a full and happy life and just can’t fight the fight anymore, who among us can tell him to keep fighting for that life? Or what if he hasn’t had a full, happy life? What if his life has been full of misery and hardships, and he just doesn’t want to prolong it anymore, who are we to tell him he must? Maybe accepting death is the right thing for some folks, and by giving them our blessing, it would make it easier on them, instead of covering them in a blanket of guilt.

When my dad was getting worse, and we knew that depression was setting in, it seemed that all he wanted to do was sit in his chair and watch TV. After having had such an active life, it was painful for my sisters and I to watch this, so we tried to come up with activities for him, such as volunteer work. We’d get so aggravated, though, because he just wasn’t interested. To us, it looked like he was just sitting there, waiting to die. You know what? Maybe he was. And in retrospect, if that’s what he wanted to do, we should have respected that and maybe just gone to sit with him more often.

We all do what we do out of love. We don’t want to see our loved ones die, so we do what we can to keep them alive. So as my title asks, who’s making the decisions? Us… or them?

Karen

Friday Fun- I'm STILL Random

I have to say, dear readers, I'm just not feeling very funny today. I might even be a little bit cranky. Perhaps I'm coming up on a Personal Safety Day. They take a bit to brew, and you know, if I'm going to go all out and declare one, I figure I should really work it and make it a good one.

This morning was borderline. The Hub was being rather annoying. And I looked at my son and said,"Go smack your father, please."

And he did! He walked right up to him and said,"This is from Mom." and laid one right on The Hub's booty (And my kids don't hold back. They can smack!)

Don't you love it when obedience kicks in? Why can't it be like this when I say,"Go make your bed" or "Stop annoying your brother"?

And in other news, Day 10 out of 12 that it has been raining here in The Lou. I don't know how much more my psyche or my hair can take. Think Mulberry Bush. In fact, just look at the painting at the top of this blog and imagine my face in it. I like to think of it as performance art. I call it "The Chaos Within". That's about the state of things!

My neighbor brought some of his wine over yesterday. I'm not talking dandelion wine. Or strawberry wine. He's a kiwi transplant and he works his vineyards in New Zealand and Oregon. I bought a case of his Savignon Blanc (yes, it was a total splurge, but well worth it) and he was bringing it downstairs for me. He takes it over to the shelf, only to find that I still had three bottles of his Pinot Noir left. He looks at me and says (in his British New Zealand accent),"From LAST year? Man, Melissa! You've got a drinking problem! That should have been drunk a LONG time ago!"

BTW, if anyone does have an interest in wines, you can see his wines here. You will want to look at the wines that are from the New Zealand vineyards (Marlborough, McGinlay's Vineyard). The Oregon wines are nice, but the NZea wines, wow!

But here's to Friday, obedience in the right moment, new wine flavors and hair that continues to grow, for all of which I am thankful. Have a fabulous weekend, Mac-n-Chick Readers!

Yours, wishing the rain would give me a little space so I could miss it,

Melissa