10 MISCONCEPTIONS OF MOMS AND BACK-TO-SCHOOL

By now, most of you should have sent your kids back to school, or will after the holiday weekend.  This article was sent to me by a good friend, but as most jokes that make the rounds in the virtual stratosphere, I have no idea where it originated.  So hats off to the author of this hilarious list!

Misconception Number 1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school.
Seriously. I’ve had enough of you by now. Every morning with the “what are we going to do today, Mom?” is finally over. I’ve had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It’s time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It’s over….You’re going back to school and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.

Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.
Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes?…so I can rack up a $200 bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils?What’s wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much….why not pencils, erasers and vodka …..or some Nyquil.

Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night.
Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You’re the teacher…I’m the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can’t get a prize from the prize box. Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I’m pretty old school. If he doesn’t listen to you…you can throw something at him. I don’t care. But I got a lot of work to do at home and I’m paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I’m pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I’ve never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We’re all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah Blah. Can I leave now?

Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork.
How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn’t have a nickname….call him “stinkbutt” for all I care. We don’t have any “special circumstances” that you need to know about. He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight. If that qualifies as a reason he can’t get his homework done on time then he won’t be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to “educate” him on that life lesson.

Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books in that annoying sticky paper.
What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup? Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it? From now on I’m covering it the old way…brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at that same time. Who says moms can’t multitask? PS. Please tell my son if he can’t find his lunch to look in his science book.

Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework.
What? I am scared out of my mind. I’m pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don’t really know my 12 times tables, I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don’t know how to conjugate anything but I do know that song “conjuction junction what’s your function” if that helps at all. And please don’t even say the words “new math” to me. What the heck was wrong the old one?

Misconception Number 7: Moms can’t wait to pack your lunch every day until we die.
I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of “mom fun”, lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with…I’m sure someone likes sardines.

Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities.
I don’t know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your ass around. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn’t at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework. Why not do it on the weekends and call it “after-hours activities” so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don’t worry about us though, I’m sure that me and “what’s his name” will be married a very long time.

Misconception Number 9: Moms don’t mind taking you to school if you miss the bus.
Your bus comes at 7:10 am….which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 am. Not eating breakfast, chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom, asking me to check your homework while I’m taking a shower. Get it together! I don’t like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming “Please wait” or “If you stop I’ll show you my boobies.”

Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school.
We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO’s run million dollar businesses but…you teach a kid not to poop their pants and then you can say you’ve made the world a better place.”

Karen

Thursday Thoughts- Planning for Christmas

We survived through Thanksgiving. It was actually pretty nice, especially since I didn't do a lot of clean-up. :-) But now we are full steam ahead to Christmas.

Here at the B house, we are fully decorated. That's our tradition. The day after Thanksgiving, up go the wreaths and garlands, with an abundance of white lights and poinsettias. You can never have too many white lights and poinsettias.

But you all know that I have been on a simplification path. Usually, by this time in the year, I have shopped for nearly everyone on my list. In fact, I'm down to wrapping presents and baking and that's it! Yet, here it is, Dec 3, and I have four presents purchased. OY. I am in deep, deep trouble. To be fair, I've been completely overwhelmed lately with other projects, but the fact remains, I have some heavy duty catching up to do.

So I'm keeping it simple. Most everyone at school? Getting the same gift. The service people in my life? All getting the same gift. Family members? We drew names. That cuts out about 18 gifts. Seriously. So today, I'm making the master list. I'll check it a million times to make sure, draw up my plan of attack, keeping it simple.

I'll start with the things I know I can get online because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE online shopping. Why? Because I can visit a ton of different places all while in my pjs drinking cocoa by the fire. Unabashedly American, I know, but I love it. Then I'll make the list what's left and driving path. And off I'll go- AFTER I change out of my pjs and throw a ball cap on. :-) I'm keeping it simple this year and I'm loving it.

Yours, drawing up my plan of attack with more fierceness than the CIA,

Melissa

Thursday Thoughts-Simplifying Thankfulness

Thankfulness is defined by Wikipedia as a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive. Webster's dictionary defines it as conscious of benefit received. In today's society, it's so easy to be flippant or jaded and not recognize things for which we can truly be grateful.

Can you imagine living in the 1800's? Think about taking a full three months to travel across the States- by wagon nonetheless. How about living without air-conditioning? Central heat? Internet? Cell phones? How about knowing that if it really comes down to it, if you needed a meal, you could find a friend who would be more than willing to help out. At the absolute least, there are many government and charitable programs that are willing to feed those in need. (BTW, please see Karen's Monday post if you are interested in helping out a family with Thanksgiving dinner this year).

I know that we are in rough economic times. We can find plenty of things to complain about. But if you have a friend to your name, a family member that loves you, a place to lay your head, you have something to be thankful for. If you're reading this post, you are a literate, breathing human being, with at least an elementary education (which is more than a lot of African and Southeast Asian Cultures get) and you are breathing in and out. And that is something for which to be simply thankful.

Yours, getting down to the basics of thankfulness,

Melissa

THURSDAY THOUGHT ON FRIDAY!

Since I didn’t know that I’d be writing Friday’s post, I don’t have a funny story saved up for “Friday Funny.” But yesterday’s post was somewhat humorous (at least I thought so, but then again, I crack myself up all the time!), so it wasn’t really right for Thursday Thought.

So here it is… Thursday Thought on Friday. (Just roll with it, okay?!!)

Today I had my annual mammogram. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It’s really not that bad. Sure, you have a stranger handling your breast, and sure it gets squished for a few seconds, but then BOOM, it’s over. And yes, I know there are incidents of false positives. But wouldn’t you rather have a false positive than a real one? Or worse yet, a false negative?

Since this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I just want to remind you that this is one very important thing that we women over 40 must do for ourselves, so…

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR MAMMOGRAM THIS YEAR?

Karen

MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

I have a confession: I am absolutely, without a doubt, one of the MOST disorganized people ever. This is my dirty little secret, which hopefully my cub scout pack will never figure out, or they may wonder why I volunteered to be the pack treasurer. (Okay, I use the term “volunteer” VERY loosely since nobody else was volunteering and everyone was staring at me. I mean, really? What was I to do?)

But even worse than that, Melissa and I are writing a series of books to help folks organize different areas of their lives. How bizarre is that? I know what you’re wondering… Did Melissa know this little secret of mine before we went into business together? Well, not exactly. Okay, NO, not at all. But I don’t think it took her too long to figure it out!

Our first book is By The Book: How To Take Care of MY Kids. It’s a workbook for parents to complete with information about THEIR kids for their caregivers. It is chock full of forms to fill out, information to document, schedules to update, etc. It is the BEST way to keep all this stuff organized for your babysitter, whomever that might be. (Yes, of COURSE I use it for my own personal use. Well, okay, I use it sometimes. Um, every so often? Sigh!)

So you see my dilemma. In the business world, I give the appearance of an organized, confident business owner. But in real life, I’m really a disorganized business owner and a very confused mom!

Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone, okay?

Karen

Thursday Thoughts

I've begun to notice some rather strong traits in my children. Some I like, and some need some, uhm, restructuring? No, tempering? Maybe. Cultivating. Yeah. That's it.

Today, when you notice things about your child, try to see the positive point about it.  Are they a little bossy? They are probably going to make a good teacher one day. Endlessly arguing and debating with you? Tirelessly closing the loophole? A fantastic lawyer, I say! Can't keep that kid from climbing to the top of everything and being a daredevil? They will probably make a good fireman or rescue worker. Are they black and white in their thought process? Totally good for engineering.

Now if I can just figure out how to take that trait and channel it properly. Oh yeah. . . Leadership through serving. But I'll tackle that next week. ;-)

Yours, looking for the sunshine,

Melissa

Thursday Thought – Gratitude

I know that the word Gratitude has been overused lately, but I just can’t think of another word to describe how thankful we should be. Life isn’t perfect, of course, and in our darkest moments, it can be difficult to find something to be grateful for. But there’s always something, we just need to dig a little deeper. And if you think you’ve dug as deep as you can, and nothing presents itself, then take Oprah’s advice and be thankful that you are breathing.

As I am waiting to hear the news that a dear friend of mine has passed away, which should be any day now, I find things to be grateful for:

• I’m grateful that my friend and I reconnected this past year before her death.
• I’m grateful that I can spend the summer with my kids and not have to work a full time job (outside the home).
• That being said, I’m grateful that they are in cub scout camp this week!
• I’m SO grateful for all the wonderful people I have met in Cyber World.
• I’m grateful for my life!

You know , I feel better! What are you grateful for?

Karen