A Different Dream For My Child

I've always said it's hard enough to raise a child in this world when everything is right with them. Add any kind of complication and it can be overwhelming. I have the deepest respect for parents of children with special needs. It's a completely different level of parenting. I have several friends with special needs children and it has been no picnic for them.

One day I summoned the courage to ask a girlfriend what it was like. She said," To summarize something I read once, it's like getting on a plane and going to Italy. You've planned the trip. You've read about Italy. You know all the sights you are going to see and the things you want to experience. And you're so excited. You can hardly wait! But when the plane lands, the steward announces,'Welcome to Holland!' (She was paraphrasing the linked essay- TOTALLY worth the read!) And while Holland is not Italy, there are beautiful things in Holland that you will never experience in Italy."

This week I've been looking through a book called A Different Dream For My Child. Written by Jolene Philo, it's a collection of meditations for parents of critically or chronically ill children. It's words of encouragement, her personal stories, Bible scripture and some very honest and candid experiences. Sometimes, a parent needs to know they're not alone. That they're not the only one in Holland. And this collection does just that. Thoughtful, inspiring, comforting, this book is like rain in the desert for parents of special needs children.

We have one copy to give away. Simply leave a comment on our site and you qualify. We'll choose a winner by January 25th. Like our facebook page and let us know in another comment, and that enters you twice!

Yours, contemplating Holland,

Melissa

Jolene Philo is the parent of a son with special needs, taught kids with learning disabilities for 25 years, and served as director of assimilation and discipleship at her church for 4 years. Her book, A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically and Chronically Ill Children was released by Discovery House Publishers in 2009. She is currently working on a new book, Different Dream Parenting: Raising a Child with Special Needs. She blogs about special needs at http://www.differentdream.com/ and about daily life at http://www.jolenephilo.com/.

Names I Wish I Didn't Know

(Warning. . . I'm going beyond my humor . . but please keep reading). . .

We've heard them so many times. Over and Over, especially if you watch any sort of news program. My husband and I were watching the news last night and we were reminded of the world we live in.

Casey Anthony.

Shawn Hornbeck.

Ben Ownby.

Natalee Holloway.

And the latest, Haleigh Cummings.

Every time I hear one of those names, my gut simply wrenches for the child, for the parents, for anyone who knows that person. I can't even start to imagine what it would feel like, the questions that would go through my mind, how I would react, what I would do. Would I be capable of doing anything at all? Yet the simple fact is that thousands of children go missing every day.

My son, Z1, being the fearless adventurer he is, has gotten separated from us several times in highly populated places. The zoo. The waterpark. The mall. And each time, the terror that rose up inside of me was unbearable. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see straight. And that was for all of 30 seconds to twenty minutes.

When Karen and I started By The Book, we knew we wanted to include a section where you could keep all of the emergency information in one spot. We call it,"The section we hope you NEVER have to use." It includes all of your child's stats- height, weight, birthmarks, recent photos, fingerprints, the works.

We don't like to think about this kind of stuff. After all, we're safe, right? It only takes one moment, five seconds of averting your eyes, ten seconds of getting distracted with something else. If I had to give my child's information, what would I remember? Would I think about the gap between his teeth? The location of his birthmarks? Do I know his weight, height off the top of my head? Can I remember what he was wearing? Do I have his fingerprints? Pictures?

Click here to see what is in the book. You can find the table of contents and look through the emergency section.

Whether or not you buy the book, just do something today to put all of your child(ren)'s information in one, safe, accessible place. ANd give them an extra hug tonight.

Yours, grateful to know mine are asleep in their beds,

Melissa

Here, Honey, Let Me Help You With That. . .

     For the last few weeks my husband has been between jobs.  He was let go from his last position on New Year's Eve.  Needless to say, that night was a little more red wine than champagne. The good news is, he accepted a position with a new company today and will begin work this coming Monday.

     Now, before we go any further, I feel that I must reassure you that I DO love my husband.  However, three weeks of complete togetherness is like getting a third child without the preparation of pregnancy, or the two complete years it takes the infant to learn how to voice their opinions. (Breathing in . . . . breathing out. . . .)  Such togetherness can sometimes be, how shall I put it politely, challenging. (Read: He's lucky to have his limbs left).  Granted, I am no angel and come complete with my own set of flaws, idiosyncrasies and boundaries. But here is where I draw the line. . . .

     For the last almost eight years, I have been the primary bather/feeder/nose and bottom wiper/ discipliner/homework guide/kids carting/house keeper/launderer/still working three part time jobs outside the home parent. It's my job. I'm perfectly fine with it.  We agreed when we decided to join the parenting club that one of us would need to have this position.  To be fair, he does help some, but this particular workload falls to me most of the time.  More often than not, I do a pretty fair job.  But the last three weeks have been filled with little comments such as. . . 

     "You know honey, if you would just . . . ."

"You really should do it like this. . . ."

"What in the world are you trying to do over there. . . ?"

"Oh my- what happened here?"

"See- nothing to it!"

About sometime this weekend, I looked at him after one of those insightful remarks were made and simply said,"My love, I know you want to help. But indulge me a moment. Allow me to offer you a little insight. You are an IT Project Manager, yes? And I am a musician, correct? As a musician, I would never, EVER presume to walk into your office and start offering you copious amounts of unsolicited advice because, well, I just don't know that much about your job.  And to be frank, it is getting on my last nerve and I'm not sure that even that last one is whole."

He looked in my eyes, took my hand and said,"You are an amazing wife and mother. I'm going to go into the other room now."

Smart, smart, man. The kind of man that knows how to keep all his body parts.

Yours, looking forward to a little bit of my own space in the coming days,

Melissa