WATCHING OUT FOR DAD

As I mentioned in a post a few months ago, my friend’s step-mother passed away this summer. I am very close to the family, and consider her parents my extra set of parents, especially since I lost my father a few years ago and my mom lives so far away. So her dad, who I’ll just refer to as “Dad” from here on out in this post, has been very lonely, as one would expect. (Note: women are WAY better at being alone than men, have you noticed that?)

So Dad and I are at lunch the other day, and he announces to me that he’s thinking of letting his female mail carrier move in with him.

WHAT???

Apparently, she offered to sell her house and come move in and take care of him. (Yeah right, I’m thinking!)

Here are his reasons for saying yes: They’ve known her for about 5 years, when she gets to their house, she’ll just come in without knocking, get a soda, sit down and have her lunch with them, he really likes her, she’ll cook for him, (and here’s the biggie) he’ll have somebody to talk to.

Here are my reasons for saying no, or at least slowing the process up until I can do some research: I have never met her, she will have access to all of his personal information, he’s too trusting, I need to do a background check, I need to have a  written contract on what each of them expect from the other, WHY is she willing to do this, I mean, what’s in it for her, I need to know about what kind of men she will be bringing into the house if she plans on dating, and will she be bringing family into the house…

MY list goes on and on. 

Maybe I’m too jaded, but from the research Melissa and I did writing The Caregiver Organizer for MY Aging Parent (shameless plug), I read too many articles about caregivers taking advantage of their care-takers.  I saw too much abuse and stealing.  In fact, it just happened in a huge way to a friend’s grandmother.

Luckily, the mail carrier started dating a man from church and decided that moving in with Dad wasn’t the best idea at this time. Actually, that makes me feel better about her!

My point is this: He’s lonely and vulnerable right now. Heck, he just had a date and asked her to move in during the first date. Now he can’t figure out why she won’t call him back! (Yes, we had a long talk about that one!) Watch your parents and elderly friends and relatives. What may seem like meddling to them is really just watching out for their best interests (well, as long as you’re really not meddling).

Karen