Friday Funny- Did you HEAR what you just said???

WARNING- this may not be for male readers.... well, not wimpy ones. Definitely not never been married ones.

I had to go to the doc today. I'm not a fan of medical procedures. Last week I finally took a blood test that had been waiting for me for six months. I know it's silliness, but the whole needles thing makes me all jelly-legged and vomitty. NOT a good look for me. Today's procedure involved several incisions, so I was not looking forward to it. AT ALL.

So I'm in the patient room, anxiously waiting. I'm having a procedure in a yonder region located in the lower half of what I call "The No Zone". You see, when I first got married, when something was amiss medically, The Hubs would call his dad, who is a pharmacist. That's fine if you're talking about your own body with your own dad. But when they began discussing MY body parts, I firmly laid down the law with a slice to my neck, a slice to my knees, and declared everything in between "The No Zone", meaning they did not discuss and diagnose those things within said Zone.

Oh, and did I mention this was my OB doc? Riiiiiiight. So I'm in the patient room waiting. I waited long enough to decide I had to get dressed again, because seriously, it would be extremely embarrassing if I could not hold the gallon of coffee I drank while said procedure was being performed. I also nervously filed my nails and read half a magazine, all while dressed in the ultimate of doctor couture, the paper sheet. Yeah. Livin' large, baby!

So the doc comes in, (I must mention, I absolutely adore this man and his nurse. They've been very, very good to me) and he begins telling me about the procedure and prepping me. They have me on the table, the nurse helps me lay back, and he says,"Okay. Now, relax."

In the instant of silence, I could not help myself and simply BURST out with a BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!! so loudly they stopped and I called out,"Doc! Wait!"

I was laughing so hard I couldn't contain myself. Doc's head peers from around the medical scope and curtain. He's laughing too.

I say,"Did you just hear yourself? Seriously! You're about to put ten inches of metal in an uncomfortable place to make incisions (without any numbing or anything of the sort) and you're telling me to RE-LAAAAXX?!?!? How about we switch places and I'll try the same prep/procedure and phrase on YOU and see if you're able to kick back without a care in the world!"

Of course by this time, we're all laughing so hard that we had to wait a good five minutes before we could get anything accomplished.

Yours, relieved that it's over, and hoping you laugh the next time you're in the doctor's office,

Melissa

WHO SIGNED ME UP FOR CUB SCOUT CAMP???

Okay, I admit it, I’m the one who signed myself up to help out at cub scout camp. (No, not overnight camp. You must know by now that I DON’T CAMP!!! This is just day camp.) But when I signed up, it was lovely spring weather. Yes, you’re right, I should have been thinking ahead. St. Louis in July is rather predictable. However this week is anything BUT. 100 degree days with heat indexes of 110+. UNBELIEVABLE!!! And to make it worse, I signed up for TWO days!

So yesterday was my first volunteer day. I don’t think I have ever been so hot for so long in my life! I have never had so much sweat pouring off my body in one day. Normally, I would say that Jewish Women don’t sweat, we glow. But honey, there was no glowing yesterday! There were buckets of sweat. (Don’t tell the other members of the tribe, please!)

It was so bad, that when we got to the pool, I just jumped in with all my clothes on! I brought my suit, but I figured, this way, I would remain cooler the rest of the day with wet clothes. Actually, it somewhat worked, and I think I’ll do it again on Friday!

Now the boys, bless their little hearts, were really troopers. We kept encouraging them to pour water on themselves and to drink as much as possible. And really, there was very little whining, which surprised the heck out of me! I was so proud of them! They seemed to hold up better than the adults. But definitely, by the end of the day, we were all slow and drooping and ready to go home.

Well, I get a couple of day’s rest, then back again on Friday. The light at the end of the tunnel: This is their last year of cub scouts. Once they’re in boys scouts, Dad gets to take over. WOO HOO!!!

Karen

 

Monday Madness

And this was the conversation as we walked into our local Walmart this weekend:

Me: Oh, Z2. Look! School supplies! You know what that means.....

Z2: *GASP!* Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Me: (long, drawn-out, evil giggle)

I don't know about you gang, but summer has me busier than the school year. And it's way more expensive. How many more weeks?

Five. Five more weeks.

We can do this and not lose what's left of our sanity, right? I sure hope so. This is the last week of swim team and baseball. And for that. I'm very grateful. Grateful to have participated, and grateful to take a break! Let's hope we all actually get ahead this week!

Yours, already thinking about how to get my to-list to to-done!

Melissa

Friday Funny- Why... Officer Kraus....

Dear Officer Kraus,

I realize that you are a nice young man, trying to do his job and uphold the law. I can respect that. However, due to the fact that I probably have 15 yrs on you, which equates to a ton of life experience, there is something I MUST get off my chest.

SERIOUSLY!!??? You pull me over because I entered the turn lane three cars too early? I didn't know that there was a specific part of the turn lane (because it runs THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE STREET) that you had to use to turn left! And while you were polite and professional, are you telling me that when you looked at my license, particularly the DATE OF BIRTH, you didn't notice it was my birthday? Okay... that's a little unnerving if you're supposed to be noticing details and all.

So happy birthday to me- a nice moving violation ticket for entering the turn lane too early. I just want to say, Officer Kraus, that there is this thing called karma. Now obviously, if you get pulled over, you're probably not going to get a ticket, being a policeman and all. However, there WILL be other things you just can't get out of and it will come on a day that really doesn't deserved to be marred with unnecessary complications- expensive ones at that. I could see if I was driving with reckless abandon or running drugs or endangering other people. But I would hope that you truly have something better to do than write me a ticket for THAT on my birthday. Otherwise, my taxes are being sorely misappropriated.

I really don't like you very much right now.

I'm wondering if 15 yrs down the line you will still be giving out tickets instead of warnings for inane rules. I'm thinking karma will catch up with you before then. I hope you listen.

Yours, calling a friend for help,

Melissa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MELISSA!!!

Today is Melissa’s birthday. I won’t say how old she is, only that she’s younger than I am! Of course, Melissa is more than just a business partner to me, she’s also a wonderful friend. So I want to do what I can to make her birthday special. Here’s how part of our day will go (as far as the night goes, I’ll have to hope her husband will take care of it!):

I’m still working off post-holiday eating, so I’ll be at the gym in the morning, but after my work-out, I’ll stop at the grocery store and pick up a birthday cake. Melissa firmly believes that everyone needs to have a cake and candles on your birthday, no matter how old you are! From there, I’ll pick up her children so she can go out to lunch with her very best friend and NO KIDS!

Lunch at my house (maybe McDonalds, but don’t tell her) and play time until her lunch is over. Then CAKE!!!!! After that, we all go to the pool. No, not my pool, but a public pool where it’s okay if we don’t watch the kids! No, what I mean is, of course we’ll watch our children, but if we happen to be in the lazy river for an hour or so and lose track of where they are, for just a minute, you know how that might happen…

Anyway, that’s it! Just a relaxing day! So please help me in wishing Melissa a happy, happy birthday today!

Karen

Happy Fourth of July!

Today we celebrate! Happy Fourth of July, America! We may not be perfect, but I still believe this is the best country on the planet! For all the freedoms we enjoy today, remember to thank a serviceman, past and present. Have a wonderful and safe Fourth of July!

Yours, celebrating my freedom,

Melissa

Friday Funny- I know, it sounds like a joke, right?

Well, dear readers, you've been hearing about it since Wednesday. Karen could hardly contain herself yesterday and posted an extra blog. Nice! So you all know by now, Karen, her sister and I all sat in the same room and they introduced me to one of their favorite musicals: Jesus Christ Superstar. Picture it like this:

A cuturally Jewish woman who is spiritually agnostic invites her friend over to share one of her favorite musicals. Her friend is a Believer, currently attending and working for the Lutheran church, but has beliefs from different denominations of Christianity. The first woman invites her sister, a practicing Jewish woman, to come as well to drown out the lady's singing with her own. All three of them are blonde.

The only one who hasn't seen it is the woman who believes in The New Testament. The other two ladies, brought up in the Jewish heritage, know every single word to the musical. The Believer can't get over the whole 70's hippie vibe, while the Jewish Lady and the Agnostic continue to drool over Ted Neely and sing every word. Even the high notes. (Loved it when they tried to sing bass). BTW, the Believer is a professional musician. How can this end well? By lounging in the pool of truth afterwards (the pool, whereupon entering, you MUST tell the truth to whatever is asked. No judging allowed.)

Explaining to Karen that no, the Jews really did kill Jesus (it was a political powerplay) and the Romans really had nothing to do with it (Hey! You're Herod's race!) was entertaining. And trying to explain things out of the New Testament was challenging. But I loved it. Loved my time with them. Always do. I especially love that we can be so different, yet respect and regard each other so highly and value our friendship over our differences.

I hope each and every one of you get that lucky some time in your life.

Yours, knowing that next up is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!

Melissa